How to comfort a friend who is grieving or going through a hard time; the most important advice is to listen
We asked a clinical psychologist for some professional tips on how to talk to an unhappy friend in a way that lets them know you're here to help
Sometimes “I’m here for you” just doesn't feel like enough when a friend is going through a hard time. Whether it’s a family fight, a bad break-up, or the death of someone close, you might want to make things better – even when you can’t. You might try to help them by offering them solutions to their problems, even when that’s not what is wanted.
A clinical psychologist said that sometimes, all a person really needs is to know that someone is ready to listen to them.
“When [your friends] are grieving … it’s important for [them] to know that they have someone to talk to and turn to,” Dr Monica Borschel, a specialist in loss and attachment based in Hong Kong, says.
The most helpful thing a person can do is to listen, without judging them, she adds.
It’s not as easy as it sounds, though, because humans naturally want to judge, and fix, problems.
At times, our solutions might sound less than helpful. For example, if a friend is upset about a break-up, your response might be to tell your friend they “need to get over it” or “move on”, because their ex wasn’t a good person, or good enough for them, anyway.
However, emotions are never wrong, Borschel says. She says the best thing to do in that situation is to not comment on your friend’s troubles. It’s better to sit and listen to them.
