She was a rarity in the South Korean entertainment industry, known for being outspoken, and publicly commenting on being cyberbullied and her mental health struggles.

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Despite the wealth of research, and the increasing availability of resources for those suffering from mental illness, talking about it is still often frowned upon, or worse - and that’s not helping sufferers. Dr Stella W. Y. Chan, a lecturer in clinical psychology at the University of Edinburgh, in Scotland, said this needs to change, and the stigma needs to be removed.

“We need to show young people that we are with them,” she says. “Mental health is everyone’s issue.”

This lack of conversation can also escalate someone’s feelings of helplessness and despair, leading to a point where they cannot see a solution.

We need to talk about suicide, and know that help is out there

“First,” she says, “they need to know before they get to that point, that there is a way out. The feelings they are experiencing will not last forever. Just as people are happy sometimes, at other times they feel sad and overwhelmed.

“But,” she cautions, “once it gets to the stage where they can’t see there is a way out, it might be almost impossible to think about the fact that their feelings are just feelings, and will change if they could just wait a little bit.”

Keep things in perspective

She said people experiencing these kinds of severe emotions struggle to put things in perspective. She grabs a handy napkin from the restaurant table. “If I fold this up,” she says, folding it over and over, “and I hold it up in front of my eye, that is all I can see.”

She puts the napkin to her eye to show that her vision is indeed overwhelmed by the small piece of tissue. “I can’t see anything else, and I think that this is everything.”

Then she moves her hand away, to show how small the napkin really is compared to the busy restaurant. She says when people are feeling overwhelmed, they need to see that what they are going through is a small part of a much bigger picture.

Chan also says that young adults experience such a lot of emotion because it is a critical stage in their lives, when they are beginning to form their self-identity. “It’s when they begin to ask ‘Who am I?’” The answer is often reflected in ways that might not be helpful.

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In the past, she says, life was more segmented. When people left school or work each afternoon, that would be the end of, say, an argument with a peer. But today, there are multiple forms of social media which can extend problems and negative feelings past what would be usual.

“The kind of pressure teens feel is real,” she says, stressing that it is important to build resilience before things get too bad.

Resilience is a word we hear a lot. It means being strong enough to withstand something bad. There are ways to do this, Chan says.

We need to think about sadness, and understand that it is normal. It’s part of life. People have good days and bad days. We need to normalise it. 

You can seize control when you feel overwhelmed by anxiety

But it’s also important to remember to ask for help, and know that you don’t have to be alone with your struggles.

Chan leaves us with one very important piece of advice: “Be kind to yourself.”

She likens our internal monologue as a talk between friends. “If your friend was sad, you would give them a hug to cheer them up. But if we are sad, we criticise ourselves and tell ourselves to do better,” she says.

“Self-criticism is an issue we all face,” she adds. “Give yourself a hug, take care of yourself.”

If you, or someone you know, are having suicidal thoughts, help is available. For Hong Kong, dial +852 2896 0000 for The Samaritans or +852 2382 0000 for Suicide Prevention Services. In the US, call The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on +1 800 273 8255. For a list of other nations’ helplines, see this page.