Sporting nature: Kids in Hong Kong, and elsewhere, need to learn how to lose
Kelly Yang says we deny children an important, character-building lesson when we insist that everyone is a winner all the time. Far better to let them practise resilience than coddle them with delusions
Recently, I got a phone call from my son’s soccer coach. My son’s team didn’t win the tournament but the coach called to ask whether I’d like to order a trophy for my son anyway.
I didn’t know what to say. Sure, I’d heard of participation prizes, but I was expecting little pencils and erasers, not full-blown trophies that looked exactly like the ones the real winners got.
These days, even the term “winner” could land you in hot water in some circles. Today, it’s all about every child at his or her own pace and how we’re all “winners”. It’s little wonder that coaches now hand out awards like sweets, and trophies and awards are an estimated US$3-billion-a-year industry in North America alone. And while I understand that, in things like art perhaps there’s no clear winner, we’re talking about sports here; clearly not every child is a winner in every sport.
When I was a kid, I wasn’t very good at sports. In fact, I don’t remember winning a single game in any sport. That’s because I have the hand-to-eye coordination of a chicken.
A child who loses with grace is 10 times more impressive than a child who wins with smugness
I’m the type of person who manages to fall over even when I’m just walking on a perfectly flat surface. And, while growing up it was painful to always be the last person to be picked for the team, I did learn something really valuable , too – how to lose.
Learning how to lose, I think, is one the most important lessons for a child, perhaps even more so than how to win. It teaches resilience, perseverance and patience. From losing constantly in sports, I learned that things don’t always go my way. And that’s OK. And to pick myself back up.