Game reviewer misses his 2016 goals, lowers the bar for 2017

At the end of 2015, I compiled a list of gaming resolutions – things I wanted to accomplish in 2016. They were a mix of both personal and professional goals, and for the most part, I failed miserably. The list seemed straightforward and simple as I wrote it. But after looking at it with an extra year of wisdom (let’s be honest, 2016 aged us all at least three years), I realised I aimed a bit too high. I am willing to give it another go, but first let’s recognise my failures individually.

I will finish The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt

I am reasonably certain I did not touch this game in all of 2016. I am sorry, Polish gaming gods. I have forsaken you.

I will not let ranked League of Legends games affect my mood

I pulled this one off for the most part. That’s mainly because I spent most of 2016 playing Overwatch instead of League of Legends. They are currently splitting time, but I can’t say League of Legends has been affecting my mood. Depression, stress, the general state of my country and dating younger women certainly affect it, but not this game. Put one in the win column.

I will not let horrible players affect my League of Legends ranking

This is a catastrophic failure. My League ranking is currently lower than the chances we’ll get a Half Life 3 announcement this year. There’s no silver lining here.

I will start (but probably not finish) Batman: Arkham Knight and Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate

Nope and nope.

I will start (and hopefully finish) Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain

I am writing this column in the first week of January and I just realised that I still have an unclaimed PlayStation 4 code for this somewhere in my email inbox. Obviously, this one is another miss.

I will review more off-the-beaten-track games I reviewed and loved That Dragon, Cancer , a crowdfunded mobile game about a family’s struggle to cope with the death of their youngest son. I also wrote about a few mobile games, which is not like me, so I am going to say I accomplished this goal. It was close, though.

I will cover a gaming expo

I had my press passes in hand for both the Electronic Entertainment Expo and San Jose Comic-Con, but I just couldn’t justify spending the money. Maybe I will crowdfund a trip.

I will mend a rift between myself and Electronic Arts

This was the only one I predicted I would not accomplish, and wouldn’t you know it? EA sent me several games this year, and employees responded to emails. We’ll see if the publisher delivers when Mass Effect: Andromeda comes out on March 21.

Now that I have seen the error of my ways, I present a new batch of resolutions for 2017:

I will play some games and write smug, probably unfair critiques of them

The mountain is high, but I will climb it.

I will play the same four sports games over and over, then replace them with newer versions Madden, NBA 2K, FIFA and MLB: The Show. I am a man of simple needs.

I will go to San Diego Comic-Con

This is not super gaming-related, but it is the top entry on my nerd bucket list. It counts. I always forget about it until the week before – far too late to secure credentials and a hotel. I am going to make it happen in 2017. This is my year.

I will review some more scary games

I can’t stand horror movies or games. Being scared is a chemical response that your body is not meant to inflict upon itself. It is meant to tell you hey, you made some mistakes. Don’t do this again. So why people like that is beyond me. But there’s a new Resident Evil due out this month that promises to return the franchise to its horror roots, so I should summon some courage. I reviewed no horror games in 2016, so this seems like an easy goal.

I will think about trying virtual reality

Many of you have asked why I have not written about virtual reality products or games. It’s simple: They make me sick. Literally, I vomit. I am happy to give up my free time for this column, but I am not sure I want to hug a toilet in the name of total coverage. We’ll see, though.

Tribune News Service