Toxic friends: why we don’t need unhealthy relationships and how to pull the plug
Feeling drained? A balance sheet of benefits and deficits in a difficult relationship will help determine whether it’s time to put some distance between you and your friend, or cut them from your life
We’ve all got one – somebody with whom we share a tricky relationship. Somebody we feel bound to even though they make it feel like hard work.
It’s not uncommon to put up with such relationships, as recent research confirmed. A study on “difficult ties” – conducted by researchers at the University of California Berkeley and Bar-Ilan University in Israel – canvassed more than 1,000 participants, who between them described 12,000 relationships.
Associate professor Shira Offer, one of the study leaders, says sometimes those difficult relationships may be with a family member, “so we cannot simply walk away”. But sometimes, we are tied to people outside the family.
One of the best examples is when people at work – bosses or peers – are difficult. Sure, people could disengage from difficult colleagues by quitting their job but usually they won’t do this because the costs are too high. So we’re stuck with family and we’re stuck with colleagues.
Get rich and popular in the Year of the Dog: 5 tips from feng shui expert Thierry Chow
By contrast, Offer says, friends are less likely to be perceived as difficult because we have more freedom in choosing our friends. That doesn’t mean they aren’t ever difficult.