The real history behind Valentine’s Day is not what we’re led to believe

Valentine’s Day occupies a strange space in the our culture. The occasion is defined by its strong traditions, but few of us know anything about where they came from. When it comes to this celebration of love, misinformation abounds. Here are five myths that just aren’t true. Myth No. 1: Valentine’s Day was invented by greeting card companies Well, not really. Valentine’s Day – and Valentine’s Day cards – existed long before commercialisation. The Victorians exchanged tokens, notes and handmade cards on February 14. The tradition really took off when postal infrastructure improved in the mid-19th century. The English penny post system made sending romantic notes both affordable and anonymous, meaning the otherwise stuffy Victorians were free to express sentiments. Those sentiments ranged from risqué flirtation to what, in 1865, the London Review called “scandalous productions, vilely drawn, wretchedly engraved, and hastily dabbed over with staring colours”. Corporate interests were quick to capitalise on Victorian traditions though. In 1868, Cadbury was the first to put chocolates in a heart-shaped box. Mass-manufactured greeting cards were introduced in the United States in 1849 and sold by Hallmark in 1913. Love in Hong Kong, and how to find it: couple tell their story Myth No. 2: Saint Valentine set the tone for this lovers’ holiday It’s natural to assume that there must be some historical connection between romantic love and the man named Saint Valentine. According to educational website ThoughtCo, “he was sent to jail” for performing illegal weddings. Get Fed, a Catholic website, says that “his intercession was called upon by lovers and engaged and married couples after his entrance into eternal life”. The truth is much less romantic. According to Lisa Bitel, a historian of Christianity, “our modern holiday is a beautiful fiction”. Bitel points out that there were several third-century saints named Valentine, at least one of whom was decapitated on February 14. Most likely, the feast of Saint Valentine commemorates the martyrdom of two men, but while we have some idea of when and how they died, historians know almost nothing about their lives. Myth No. 3: February 14 has always been a celebration of love We inherited our contemporary version of Valentine’s Day from the Victorians, but some accounts have argued that the “real” history of the holiday can be traced all the way back to ancient Rome. In mid-February, the Romans celebrated Lupercalia, a drunken festival that involved hitting women with the hide of a sacrificial goat in hopes of increasing their fertility. The celebration was ultimately denounced by Pope Gelasius in the late fifth century and it fell out of favour, but some suspect that its lusty spirit carried over into Valentine’s Day traditions. The links to Lupercalia, though, don’t hold up well to investigation. Geoffrey Chaucer appears to have been the first person to imbue St. Valentine’s feast day with romantic associations back in the 14th century. In his poem Parlement of Foules, Chaucer imagines Valentine’s Day as the occasion for birds to convene and choose their mates. Myth No. 4: Cupid is the incarnation of sweetness and romance When it comes to Valentine’s Day iconography, no one is more popular than Cupid, the rosy-cheeked cherub. But he wasn’t always a chubby toddler in a loincloth. Cupid is the Roman incarnation of the Greek god Eros, who first appears in the poem Theogony by Hesiod. This god, the “loveliest of all the Immortals”, was far from adorable. Eros wielded power over god and mortal alike, making men’s bodies “go limp, mastering their minds and subduing their wills”. Classical depictions of Eros (from fifth-century BC pottery, for instance) feature a young man who is both beautiful and dangerous. In the Roman myth of Cupid and Psyche, Cupid is defined by his seductive powers, and his reputation wasn’t exactly mild: in the sixth century, Archbishop Isidore of Seville called Cupid a “demon of fornication”. Myth No. 5: Valentine’s Day is pretty miserable for single people Psychologist Bella DePaulo points out that the way we talk about Valentine’s Day implies that those who are paired up “are happier people – even better people – than singles”. Luckily there are reams of research on the lives of single people, and it shows that being alone is a far cry from being lonely. Sociologist Eric Klinenberg discovered that almost everyone who lives alone does so because they choose to, noting that one of his “most powerful findings is that nothing is lonelier than living with the wrong person”. Studies show that single people are more likely to have strong ties to friends and neighbours than their married friends do. They also place a higher value on meaningful work, and experience more personal growth than those who are married. Mandy Len Catron is the author of How to Fall in Love With Anyone: A Memoir in Essays