Now, we watch “television” on our cellphones. We stream movies on computer screens and through video-game consoles. We invite people over to Netflix and chill, and that has nothing to do with watching TV.

Technological advances naturally breed changes in our behaviour. As a result, the way we watch these shows has altered drastically – and not just in terms of medium. With this much power, bizarre habits emerge. Maybe you need closed captioning to follow a plot line, or perhaps you like to fast-forward through any scene with people jogging. Those are things you can do now!

After endless debate, we’ve identified these five archetypal types of “television” viewers who exist in our brave new world. Which one are you?

1. The Multitasking Phone Watcher

You could clean your flat, vacuum or cook dinner with nothing to accompany you except the sound of your own thoughts, but why? Technology is frequently a nightmare, so make it work for you. One click of an app on your phone, and those mundane chores instantly become less boring once you’re absorbed in that episode of Big Little Lies you missed on Sunday or finally starting to binge-watch Atlanta because you’re the only person at work who has not seen it and it’s getting embarrassing.

You just carefully prop your phone against a shelf, picture frame, lamp or whatever furniture will not tip over, and you’re in business. (Just make sure your Wi-fi is on!)

2. The FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) Rewinder

You hate being left out – of anything. You’re probably the kind of person who begs for invites to parties you have no intention of attending because the thought of not being invited is soul-crushing.

That insidious quirk is the basis for your television watching. You need to catch every last detail on the screen, and you will rewind, rewind, rewind until you’ve darn well absorbed them all.

You probably weren’t always like this. At first, you missed a line of dialogue and jumped back 15 seconds to make sure it wasn’t important. But that little taste forever changed you. Miss a punchline? Rewind! Could not understand a thick British accent? Rewind!

Then you moved beyond dialogue, needing to take in everything on the screen. Did something move in the background? Rewind! Wait, the main character was reading a newspaper with breakfast, but you did not have a chance to read the fake headlines? Rewind! Did not catch the score of the football game they were watching in the show? Well, that must be a vital detail, so rewind!

But your spouse is sick of watching every scene seven times. Your friends never let you host watch parties ever since you rewound the Red Wedding scene in Game of Thrones 22 times to figure out who died.

The only upside to your behaviour is your kids have taken to reading because watching TV with you is a constant headache.

Martial arts star JuJu Chan on role in Netflix’s all-Asian Wu Assassins

3. The Work Watcher

If you are bored at work and you discover a clever way to watch TV, embrace it.

These days, things are a little easier if you want to watch a show during lunch, or even on company time. If you’re a lucky soul whose computer faces the wall, or maybe you even have an office (!), you can put in your ear buds and frown intently to make it look like you’re trying very hard to concentrate on an important spreadsheet when, in fact, you’re actually watching Parks and Recreation.

If you want to be really bold, you can stream a show on your phone hidden under your desk – just make sure it’s not a series that causes loud laughter or tears, because that is a bit harder to explain.

4. The Distracted Viewer

Your colleague asks you what you thought of that absolutely insane twist in last night’s episode of Jane the Virgin, and you respond with a look of confusion. Wait, there was a twist? When?! You were too busy folding laundry, cracking jokes in the group chat and stirring a pot of soup every few minutes to closely follow Jane Villanueva’s troubles.

It’s not that you do not like the show, of course, but rather that you have a hard time sitting still and focusing on a single thing. There’s just too much happening around you. Someone – that same colleague, probably – told you the other day that technology use has decreased our attention spans. Gosh, maybe they were right.

5. The Late-To-The-Party Watcher

You need to talk. About Rory stealing that boat on Gilmore Girls. About Coach Taylor’s refusal to put his wife’s career ahead of his on Friday Night Lights (ugh, are there any good men, you yelled at the TV). About the fate of Wallace on The Wire.

But anyone who knows what the heck you’re blabbing about has already moved on and got over it. You are a puddle of tears after seeing how they did Wallace, and you are totally alone in your grief. Your family, friends and colleagues already dissected the biggest shows of the past two decades, the ones you did not have time to watch until now, and you cannot take your shock to these people. “Um, yeah,” they’ll say with disinterest. “Where have you been?” You have apparently been in a cave, one without HBO.

But now that you’ve finally got around to seeing Mad Men and Breaking Bad, you are forced to process your feelings all by yourself – or through old Reddit threads.