Five things you must do when you say sorry

You messed up. Maybe you made your spouse cry, forgot about your child's basketball game, got caught in a lie - or worse. An apology is in order. What should you say?

Our apologies are usually "woefully inadequate because we have a fundamental misunderstanding about their purpose", says Guy Winch, psychologist and author of Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure and Other Everyday Hurts.

"Most apologies tend to be excuses or justifications that neglect to address the feelings of the person to whom we're apologising."

Before you start to craft your apology, remember the goal is to make the other person feel better, not yourself.

"We will only feel better, and less guilty, if they feel better and forgive us," Winch says.

Sincerity will be at the root of any good apology, says Toni Coleman, a psychotherapist and relationship coach based in McLean, Virginia. "Too often apologies are delivered with a 'but' in an attempt at justification," she says.