For personal communicating, face-to-face beats texting hands-down

Many people who find it difficult to communicate emotions, prefer to use text messages or other internet-mediated forms of communication instead of talking to the other person, especially when they are feeling vulnerable. That way, they don’t have to think of a response immediately or face the person’s reaction.

But for important conversations, especially when stakes and emotions are high, a lack of non-verbal cues including body language, facial expressions, eye contact and tone of voice can often prevent two people from finding common ground to resolve conflict (divorce, for example), or cause them to project their fears or anger on a text message they have received.

Instant messaging is convenient and efficient for communicating factual information, but when a message or the situation is ambiguous, this form of communication can leave a permanent mark on a relationship, or end developing or fragile ties.

For example, I might write a simple message: “I feel like this is not going anywhere, you are not respectful and I don’t know how to carry on.”

Many people reading that might conclude that the writer wants to end their relationship. However, if I read it out loud and sound frustrated teary in the process, they would conclude that the person is feeling hurt and needs comfort.

This example may give some insight into how relationships may have ended due to miscommunication, and how they might contribute to misunderstanding or lead someone to overreact.