What happens when today’s narcissists become parents

Narcissistic personality traits seem to have risen as quickly as obesity in recent years. Entitlement has become a defining characteristic of millennials, and everything from selfies to the everyone-gets-a-trophy mentality has been implicated in increased narcissism. Yet, one question remains unanswered: what happens when a generation of narcissists becomes parents?

Narcissism is a personality pattern characterised by a lack of empathy, increased levels of grandiosity and entitlement, and a chronic seeking of admiration and validation. In her book, Should I Stay or Should I Go? Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist, Ramani Durvasula details 30 character traits of narcissism, but she says superficiality, greed and vanity make up its central core.

Everyone is a little bit narcissistic. Narcissism is part of being human, and it’s a standard developmental stage for adolescents and young adults. When narcissism begins to interfere with how a person functions at home and work, though, it becomes problematic and can even veer into the realm of a personality disorder. Narcissists believe they are unique and entitled to special treatment, and they have a chronic need for admiration and validation – at any cost.

“Most of us grow out of thinking we are Superman at six years old,” says Durvasula. “We shouldn’t be running around like that at 41.”

Children don’t offer the type of continuous positive feedback narcissists crave, and narcissistic parents tend to react in one of two ways. Durvasula and W. Keith Campbell, a professor of psychology at University of Georgia and an expert on narcissism, say some lose interest in their children entirely and look for other sources of validation. Others view their children as a reflection of themselves and become hyper involved and controlling. In both cases, disconnection is the key; even the overly involved narcissistic parent is emotionally detached and lacks warmth.

The impact of being raised by a narcissist isn’t well documented on an individual level, and it’s been studied even less on a societal scale. Campbell has written more than 100 scientific articles and three books about the narcissism epidemic, but he admits parenting is a gaping hole in our understanding of narcissism. “We very rarely study the parents’ narcissism and then predict what will happen to the kids,” says Campbell.