My child is not letting me help her with her homework and I feel left out: Hong Kong parent
Recent studies have shown that parents who get too involved with their child’s homework can do more harm than good, but let your children know you’re available if they are stuck with work or have questions
When my daughter was at primary school I often used to help her with homework, a Hong Kong parent writes. Since starting high school she has become very private about her homework and won’t even tell me what she has got. I feel totally out of touch with what she is doing at school.
Many parents would be grateful to be in your position. Your daughter is showing independence and developing the self-organisation skills necessary for success at secondary school. If she is not completing homework assignments, or if her work is below par, the school would have let you know by now.
Recent studies have shown that parents who get too involved with their child’s homework can actually do more harm than good. Children of these parents often lose motivation and drive. With the best intentions, overenthusiastic parents offer help when it is not needed or wanted, making children doubt their own abilities and become less persistent when tackling difficult or complex tasks and also become more easily distracted. Students who complete homework with minimal interference from parents, or indeed anyone else, tend to be more successful in the long run.
Most homework tasks are focused on consolidating concepts and knowledge covered in class rather than attempting to introduce new learning. Homework is often used as a tool for instilling a good work ethic and developing skills such as time management. Not surprisingly, studies show that pupils who complete homework before other activities are associated with higher test scores than those who do not prioritise it.
Homework can undoubtedly have a negative effect on family life, putting strains on relationships at home. The teenage years are tricky enough to navigate without having constant arguments about how and when to get homework done. Maths is a particular case in point: with the best will in the world, parents try to help their children using the methods they learned at school which can be very different to the methods taught today. This often causes confusion and upset.