"My younger son's bad behaviour in school is driving me crazy. He is undisciplined, incapable of following rules, and has conflicts with his schoolmates and teachers," says Melinda, a perfectionist mother of two sons, aged 15 and six.
The more she tried to manage her son's behavioural problems, the worse things got - he became even more rebellious. This vicious circle increased the tension in their relationship.
Melinda found it difficult to strike a balance between showing love for her son and exercising discipline. She couldn't help feeling that she was incapable as a mother.
Mr Choi has a five-year-old son who has eczema. Poor sleeping patterns and uncontrollable itchiness cause the boy to have mood swings. Out of concern for their son, his parents repeatedly reminded him to stop scratching, which caused conflict. The couple worried about the disturbance and distress brought about by the eczema, but they felt helpless.
Both Choi and Melinda are facing a problem typical of many parents. Their expressions of love and concern result in conflict between them and their children.
Most parents today are keen to equip themselves with parenting skills. They read books, attend parenting talks and search for solutions on the internet. But most of them still find it difficult to put theory into practice.
Much of the conflict arises when there is a mismatch in expectations. Parents try to manage their children; the children continue to express themselves in their own way and neither party gives up. No matter which party surrenders, the family is the loser. It either spoils the child or drives parents and child apart.