Coping with teenage children

Fred and Sally first took their 13-year-old son Matthew for therapy after his school caught him smoking cannabis for the third time. They have a good relationship with their son, however, and he is sorry for letting them down.

Hong Kong is a safe city and children here are often unsupervised to a greater extent than elsewhere. But this can mean that teenagers hanging out with their friends in parks at night can be introduced to smoking and drinking at an early age. Irrespective of this city's relative safety, parents must supervise their children at this crucial age.

Matthew is intelligent and creative but he is also impulsive and prone to being irresponsible with schoolwork and in responding to requests from his parents.

His parents are not engaged in his life and he appears to welcome doing things on his own. Matthew does not ask his parents for advice. If he is struggling with something he tends to try and work it out by himself - not always successfully.

It is important for parents to take part in their children's lives and pay attention to what is going on in school and with their friends. This boosts their child's self-esteem and give them a sense of security, while also allowing them some freedom. It's a difficult balance and requires constant judgement calls.

Often teenagers rebel against parents' authority and don't want them to be involved in their lives. It's important not to be too judgmental and, if there is something wrong, to ask questions.

Fairness and trust is of paramount importance. If a child or teenager feels a parent is unfair they will rebel or become secretive. If they feel distrusted it will affect their self-esteem and create distance from the parent. If you show you trust your child it will lead to a more open relationship.