How to bridge that gap with your children
Instead of getting annoyed because your child is nothing like you, help them be themselves, writes Heidi Stevens
Imagine the literary masterpieces the world would never know if children grew up seeing eye-to-eye with their parents (Romeo who?). It's a truism as old as time that kids will spend many of their years feeling like their parents don't get them.
But sometimes they're more right than they know.
"I often talk to parents who look at each other and say, 'Where did we get this one?' " says Cynthia Ulrich Tobias, author of You Can't Make Me (But I Can Be Persuaded). "These are the kids that drive us crazy because we're living proof that our way works - why would they want to do it any other way [than ours]?"
It's impossible to quantify how much parent-to-child headbutting is normal and healthy; some, certainly. But for those who can't relate to their children - don't recognise themselves in them, aren't sure how to talk to them, and find their interests and habits confounding - parenting can be especially anxiety-ridden.
"It can erode the relationship," says Tobias. "You really want to keep the relationship between you and your child strong so you can preserve it and enjoy it, and for discipline and motivation to be effective."
Often what's needed is a subtle reinterpretation about the role of a parent, say experts. The goal, after all, is not to shape children in your image, but to guide them to the best version of themselves.