As well-meaning parents, we sometimes give false praise to our children. Perversely, this can actually have an adverse effect on their achievement and attitude to learning.
Psychologist Carol Dweck spent years researching praise techniques and looking at why some people reach their full potential when others do not. She discovered that students who were consistently praised for their intelligence or natural talent tended to become very passive, lose interest and reluctant to carry out challenging tasks. Their test results often became progressively worse. Students who were praised for their effort and commitment, however, kept on improving.
This may be the key to helping your daughter approach her learning with more effort and persistence. Avoid the use of phrases such as "You're so clever," instead using phrases such as, "You did very well at [a particular task]. You must have tried really hard." When you receive her school reports make sure you reward and praise her effort, not just her achievement. Remember to be consistent with your praise when it is deserved. If she is aware of clear and explicit expectations and consequences, she is much more likely to start stretching herself. Be aware that in wanting the best for your daughter, you can also put unconscious pressure on her which may lead to problems as she approaches her teenage years and affect her self-esteem.
Sometimes, the children who start out as being the best in school or have natural talent in a particular area don't necessarily end up being the best. In other words, they don't reach their full potential and can become demotivated. British therapist Stephen Grosz has warned that parents and teachers who lavish what he calls empty praise on children may hinder their progress at school, and that students often react to the wrong type of praise by giving up. He suggests that some parents heap praise on their children as a reaction to the criticism they themselves received when they were growing up. Validating failure as a part of learning is crucial. Help your daughter to understand that it is good to try things and make mistakes, and that we can all learn by trying, failing and trying again.
This positive approach to learning is being recognised more and more in such educational philosophies as the International Baccalaureate which avidly encourages children to be risk takers, inquirers and problem solvers in their learning and to not be afraid to use trial and error to extend their learning and challenge themselves.