Businessman's book on fatherhood becomes a hit on the mainland

Gregory Slayton is a venture capitalist who was an early investor in Google, a philanthropist and former US ambassador to Bermuda. Now he's added parenting advocate and author to the list. Be a Better Dad Today!, his guide to how men can achieve their family goals, was published in English and traditional Chinese last year, and a version in simplified Chinese was released a few months ago for mainland readers. Slayton, a father of four, says he embarked on the book project because of a lack of resources on fatherhood, which was what he had observed over decades working with NGOs, as well as his experiences growing up and as a parent. His father was an alcoholic who abandoned the family when he was about 11 years old, and the chances of his growing up normally were dismal. "All the statistics about fatherhood absence and fatherless kids, what we call 'fatherhood failure', are devastating," Slayton says. "In the US, if you don't have a dad when you're growing up, you're 32 times more likely to run away from home by the age of 18." Runaways are at great risk, vulnerable to being trafficked into prostitution and "all kinds of bad stuff", he says. "You are something like six times more likely to be a drug abuser, and four times more likely to be incarcerated and end up in jail. It's just statistics, but statistics lead to one very clear direction - fatherhood really, really matters." Yet Slayton not only beat the odds, he became a Fulbright scholar and went on to work for management consultancy McKinsey & Company and various Silicon Valley firms before starting Slayton Capital, which he runs with his wife Marina. Slayton credits a Chinese immigrant family, which moved into his neighbourhood about the time his father left, with helping him get back on the right path. He became friends with one of their children, Ken Chang, a boy his age. Hanging around the Chang household, the young Slayton gained a father figure in the elder Chang, and eventually embraced their Christian values, too. Slayton proposes in his book that men could set out a "noble family vision" to guide their home life. Just as people establish goals for their personal growth or careers, he argues there should be one for the family, too. They could begin by asking what kind of parents they want to be, how they want their children to remember life together as a family, what they want their children to be known for, and how they want their children to interact with each other. By addressing such questions, he says, people can build a framework for that family vision. Some may find Slayton's views a little paternalistic - he believes it is the father who sets the tone in the family, for example - although there is ample acknowledgement of a wife's contribution. Slayton reiterates throughout the book how fathers should be actively involved in their children's lives, and he believes that's why it selling well (more than 150,000 copies so far). Beyond being a breadwinner, he says, fathers need to set aside time for the family. Just as CEOs have a strategic plan for their businesses and decide how to spend their time, Slayton believes fathers should prioritise their time too. Life, as in business, doesn't always go according to plan: "The next day there's a crisis and - boom! - you're doing crisis management [fighting fires]. "Those fires tend to distract you from stuff that you know in your heart is important. Family is the easiest place to find time. And that's what I'm trying to remind dad here. I'm just trying to remind dad how important his job is and try to encourage him. As fellow dads, we're in this together." All statistics show that fatherhood really matters Gregory Slayton Citic Press, the biggest publisher on the mainland, initially wondered if his book would pass the censors because of its many references to Christianity; but the authorities did not require any edits. Slayton believes the smooth progress may be thanks in part to the senior mainland official who had introduced him to the Citic Press vice-president after reading his book. She and her son had been abandoned by her husband when their child was two years old, and she strongly felt the book would be helpful in China. A few months after the release of Be a Better Dad!, mainland readers' responses seem to support that view. "My daughter is a high school student and I gave her the Chinese version to read," says Dr Han Buxin, a research psychologist at the Institute of Psychology in the Academy of Sciences in Beijing. "It's written by a Westerner but he seems to treasure the Chinese culture of family and intergenerational relationships," Han says. Han appreciates the author's detailed proposals for fathers, and how they need to have self-discipline and social networks to lean on. After years of trying to improve their lives materially, more Chinese families realise it is important to spend quality time with their children, he says. "It's not just about paying for living expenses, but providing knowledge and reading and playing with them." His 18-year-old daughter may not always want to hang out with him, but Han believes any time spent together is beneficial, even if it sometimes means having disagreements. In Shanghai, businessman Morley Su Chongyu believes the book is a good reminder for Chinese people about the importance of family. "During the past 20 years, mainland fathers [and mothers] devoted most of that time to surfing the big wave of China's economic boom, leaving their children to grandparents and domestic helpers," Su says. "Nobody told them family and marriage is most important, because the grandparents suffered with poverty and starvation and making a living was of paramount importance. Young professionals work around the clock and absent parents are common." That's why Better Dad comes as a timely reminder, Su says. It's been gratifying for Slayton, who feels a connection with the Chinese because of his former neighbours. "Some may think it was a coincidence that the Changs moved in when my family was breaking up ... But is it? For me it's a dream come true, and that God has a special love for China now."

Businessman's book on fatherhood becomes a hit on the mainland

.css-1c6uqr6{color:inherit;font-weight:inherit;font-size:inherit;font-family:inherit;line-height:inherit;overflow-wrap:break-word;}A book advocating the crucial role played by dads strikes a chord in China

A book advocating the crucial role played by dads strikes a chord in China