Everlasting true love really does exist, now here’s how to find it

  • It is important to know what you want and be in the right frame of mind
  • Other factors, such as your social group and self-reflection, also affect your chances
PUBLISHED : Sunday, 09 December, 2018, 5:00pm
UPDATED : Sunday, 09 December, 2018, 5:00pm

Everyone yearns for everlasting true love, but most people who can’t find it just give up and settle for less or stay single.

They say it is better to marry the one who loves you rather than the one you love. But true love does exist and is attainable for those who dare to challenge fate and write their own love stories.

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There are different types of romantic love that happen at different stages in life. There is nothing like the unforgettable first love, which is part of growing up. Then there’s the great love which sweeps you off your feet and makes you fall head over heels with that special someone. It makes you feel vulnerable, but magnificent at the same time. Sadly, the sensation will eventually fizzle out.

Finally, the holy grail: everlasting true love. It might not be as magical as your first love or as breathtaking as the great love, yet it makes your heart feel at home. It completes you, makes you feel safe, and allows you to be your true self.

Senior business executive Lizzy, who is in her early 40s, says she is taking her time to find her life partner because she does not want to waste time on the wrong person. She recently broke up with her boyfriend, who’s a divorcee with grown-up children.

It was not meant to be anyway, she says, because they never talked about sharing a life together. As Lizzy puts it, “It was just a fling that lasted five years.”

Her philosophy for any relationship is to enjoy it while it lasts, but have the courage to walk away when it expires.

Like most career women her age, Lizzy is not looking to get married or have a family. She wants to find someone who is her equal, with whom she can share life experiences. She expects these feelings to be mutual and, needless to say, she wants a relationship that can stand the test of time.

Everyone has a chance of finding their true love match if they put themselves in the right frame of mind by being emotionally and mentally prepared to give and receive love.

The first rule of thumb is to aim for what is best for you. Of course the definition of best is relative. But it has to be the best by your standards. And before you set out, make sure you are also the best version of yourself; not just physically, but emotionally.

You can start by practising self-reflection to help weed out your weaknesses and then nurture your strengths.

Couples in healthy relationships focus their attention on making constant contributions to build up their partnerships. This proactive attitude helps produce a kind of emotional synergy that has a positive impact on each other which is essential in maintaining a long-term partnership. You want your future love to have this positive mindset.

It is equally important to keep the right company. So surround yourself with the right people because your circle of friends determines where you go, what you do and who you meet.

Speaking of friends, do enlarge your social circle so that you are constantly meeting new people. By being socially active, you will undoubtedly increase your chances of meeting the right person.

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You also want to make sure you look as attractive as possible, because it is a confidence booster, which attracts people to you. Bear in mind that being attractive is not merely about how you look, but also how you present yourself.

However, remember not to focus too much on the physical aspect of your potential partner because you are looking for lasting love, which means other intrinsic qualities should be your primary concern. But if they happen to be attractive, it is a bonus.

Meanwhile, remember not to let sexual attraction cloud your judgment. If you want true love you must go beyond fleeting feelings triggered by physical attraction alone.

They say an ideal partner should be your loudest supporter and critic. Therefore, a healthy dose of truthfulness and openness works wonders. But if the opinions or personalities of two people are clashing and too extreme, it will spell disaster.

There are some universal principles that are not up for debate, hence your fundamental objectives in life have to be compatible. It is about striking the right balance, because you want your partner to embrace you for who you are, as well as many other things in life that you both can share.

It is reasonable to expect your partner to possess the qualities that suit and complement yours so that both of you can grow and share a life together for the duration.

You should take your time; there is no need to rush or try too hard, because being desperate is unattractive and chases people away. Before true love finds its way to you, focus on loving yourself first. So when it happens, you will be at a good place in your life to give and receive love.

Luisa Tam is a senior editor at the Post