Is your long-term relationship boring? 4 tips to keep things fun and sexy, from trying new things to surprising each other
- Every relationship requires work, especially long-term relationships. How can we keep the fun alive when it feels like you know everything about each other?
- Therapist Sara Kuburic gives her advice on how to stop yours from becoming boring, such as giving each other a new skill to learn and trying new sex positions
Think back to the iconic romantic comedies of the ’90s or early 2000s.
The focus is always on people getting together and little information is given about what happens once they do. What does their happily ever after look like? Are they just in a perpetual state of bliss? Do they have an everlasting passion for one another, and are all their biggest issues behind them?
Here is a common one: keeping the relationship interesting and fun for years. So, how can we keep the fun alive in a long-term relationship? I have four suggestions.
The reality is that people grow and change, and to make the relationship work we need to keep up with each other. Maybe you knew what their favourite hobby, sex position or foods were when they were in university, but have you checked in lately?
The relationship needs to be a safe space where each person can explore and be curious about who they are, and have their partner be part of that journey. A sense of unfounded familiarity cannot only lead us to think we are still dating a version of our partner from a year ago, but it can lead to boredom and complacency.
Try new things
A great way to keep things interesting is by staying curious about who we are and who they are.
I once heard of a couple who asked each other to learn a new skill. She asked him to take cooking classes (so he can help out with meal prep and they can try out some new recipes at home), and he asked her to take some massage classes (so that she can help him with his tension headaches). How cool!
Some couples will randomly flip through The Kama Sutra book and try a new sex position once a month or go to an event and be intentional about meeting at least one new person. There is no right or wrong way of doing this – figure out what works for you as a couple.
Surprise each other
I am not talking about jumping out of the bushes, more like thoughtful gestures of love. Yes, it is fun to be spontaneous, but sometimes you have to plan your spontaneity.
Yes, yes, you won them over and now you are in a relationship. But, this does not mean that sexual tension and witty banter need to exit the stage. On the contrary, it becomes really important in keeping the desire and connection alive. Sending a flirty text or giving them a wink during a family dinner can sometimes do the trick.
Sara Kuburic is a therapist who specialises in identity, relationships and moral trauma.