10 Japanese parenting tips to raise your children to be well-behaved, mindful and creative

There is no perfect way to raise children. But if you are despairing because of unruly kids, adopting some Japanese parenting methods could be the way to go. Japanese parenting emphasises unconditional love, community and harmony with nature, as ways to nurture well-behaved, respectful and creative children, says author Lisa Katayama, who used Japanese methods to bring up her own two children after moving from Tokyo to the United States. And now she has shared the core principles involved with Japanese child-rearing in her new book, The Japanese Way of Parenting. “As a first-time parent, I felt a need to find more calm, more connection to self, more order in the sea of chaos I could have easily drowned in,” she says. She drew on her experience of growing up in Japan to write the book: “There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, but I believe some core Japanese principles – like respect, community and mindfulness – translate beautifully into daily family life.” Here are 10 of Katayama’s most practical parenting tips to try at home. 1. Greet others pleasantly and politely Katayama says that in Japan, even small children are greeted warmly. She says: “When I drop my kids off at day care, their teachers greet them with Ohayo gozaimasu – good morning. “Parents exchange the same greeting,” she says. “When everyone around you behaves this way, you quickly learn that politely acknowledging others is simply what people do.” 2. Teach kids to clean up after themselves Most parents know it is faster to clean up after their kids than to wait for them to do it themselves – but this habit has a cost, Katayama says. “Kids quickly start to expect it, parents grow resentful, and the unspoken message that someone else will always sort out your mess is not one most of us intend to send. “Teaching children they are responsible for the well-being of their environment is a life lesson worth the short-term effort.” 3. Believe everything has a spirit The Japanese are animists, believing everything has a spirit, even laptops and kitchen knives, and Katayama asks: “What if your kids thought about whether their belongings were being treated well? Are their books stacked neatly? Are their clothes given room to breathe in a drawer, or stuffed in and forgotten?” “When children are encouraged to think this way, they begin treating their things, and eventually other people and the natural world, with more care and intentionality.” 4. Think about everyone’s feelings, not just your own One of the values most deeply embedded in Japanese culture is a collective awareness – considering how your actions affect the people around you, Katayama says. Japanese schools regularly hold sessions where students discuss how their choices make others feel, but she points out: “Bringing this practice home does not require a formal curriculum. It can be as simple as pausing after a conflict and asking your child: ‘How do you think that made them feel?’ “Over time, this habit of perspective-taking builds genuine empathy – not just the ability to say sorry, but to actually understand what someone else is going through.” 5. Learn the art of saying Douzo! The Japanese word douzo is roughly equivalent to “here you go” in English, but it carries more meaning, Katayama says. “It’s a small word that encodes a big idea – that offering something to someone else feels good, and relinquishing your grip on something you want can be its own reward.” 6. Know the difference between indoor and outdoor shoes Removing shoes at the door is a well-known aspect of Japanese home life, and one of the easiest to adopt in Western homes, Katayama says. She suggests keeping a doormat or rack near the entrance so everyone can leave their shoes there. “It keeps the home cleaner, and creates a small but meaningful ritual, a moment of transition between the outside world and the calm of home,” she says. 7. Do one thing at a time, mindfully Katayama says many mums and dads “parent at a sprint”, and points out: “This pace isn’t just exhausting for adults, it creates a distracted, fragmented environment for children who are still learning how to focus and regulate themselves.” She adds that a consistent mindful focus allows children to slow down and do the same, and will help them to more easily pay attention. 8. Greet your food Before eating, Japanese people say Itadakimasu, a phrase that Katayama says has no perfect English equivalent, but expresses gratitude for the food and for everyone who helped bring it to the table. 9. Take less than your share Enryo is a Japanese concept of restraint – the practice of holding back out of consideration for others. Katayama says that at a shared meal, Japanese diners will often leave the last piece on a plate untouched, out of respect for everyone else at the table. “It’s a small act,” she says, “but it signals something larger: that your own desires don’t automatically take precedence over someone else’s comfort.” 10. Find a sense of peace After World War II, Japan adopted pacifism as a core national value, and over generations, that commitment worked its way into the Japanese culture, Katayama says. She says parents have to find their own sense of peace, and explains: “It’s not about being placid, but about consciously choosing a calm and grounded way.The more you practice, the more that peace becomes contagious – and the more it shapes the kind of people you’re building together.”

10 Japanese parenting tips to raise your children to be well-behaved, mindful and creative

.css-1c6uqr6{color:inherit;font-weight:inherit;font-size:inherit;font-family:inherit;line-height:inherit;overflow-wrap:break-word;}US-based author Lisa Katayama, who grew up in Tokyo, chose the Japanese way of parenting to bring up her kids. She shares 10 simple principles

US-based author Lisa Katayama, who grew up in Tokyo, chose the Japanese way of parenting to bring up her kids. She shares 10 simple principles