Koh Chang resort offers a fast way to detox

Going on a seven-day detox isn't for the weak-willed. First, it involves completely giving up food, with a day or two of raw food to ease yourself into the fast. Second, it involves taking a lot of pills and potions.

You'll be doing something every 90 minutes or so, from 7am when you rise until 8.30pm, when you pop your last batch of pills.

Third - and if you're still reading, you've got to be keen, so let's be direct - it involves two colonic irrigation sessions a day. You come out the other end a little lighter, with more energy and a reset palate.

I try to remember this, when on the first evening of my fourth detox, I can't keep a batch of a half-dozen pills down. I think it's the memory of the smell of the little green capsules, and the realisation of what I've let myself in for again - another piña colada-free tropical holiday. What was I thinking?

I'm on Koh Chang in Thailand at The Spa, a sister of the original Spa on Koh Samui. The resort is well off the beach, but makes up for it by being set in stunning, butterfly- and flower-filled gardens around a lagoon and a swimming pool.

On the first day I have a caffeine-withdrawal headache, but a session of gentle yoga clears it up. I have a steam bath to speed up the detoxification process and go to bed early.

Day two: things improve. I am doing the sugar-free version of the fast, which means just a little lime juice with the regular bentonite clay and psyllium husk drinks. The clay helps clean you out; the psyllium fills you up. Gina, my travelling partner, calls them mud cocktails, which makes us feel slightly glamorous. I awake later that night, feeling sick.