Nightlife is all about Pussy

I’ve never had so much Pussy in my entire life. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s the 100 percent natural energy drink that’s just launched in Hong Kong, with a party at M1NT. Yes, it’s actually called Pussy. Geoff Wu thinks it’s a “Good Brand Name,” the disgusting pervert. The bev first hit the UK scene in 2006, and has since been fueling the high-end clubs and bars of London celebrity party scene. Maybe they’ve gotten tired of the Pussy jokes there, but not in our demure little city. We’re just getting started.

I went up to the bar, and started demanding Pussy for my whole entourage. I ordered Virgin Pussy (fresh lime, orgeat syrup, apple juice and Pussy), Pussy Lover, Spiced Pussy, Hot Pussy with 3-year-old Havana rum, and my favorite, Pussy Fizz (Tanqueray gin, lemon juice, basil sugar syrup, topped up with Pussy)—truly mouth-watering cocktails made with Pussy. I really don’t know if it was the infectious natural high from the drink, the free-flow alcohol, or the inhibition from saying the name, but it was a ridiculous riot of inappropriateness all night. The press release includes definitions (doesn’t specify which dictionary) that “summarizes the brand’s core values.”

Pussy N. (puss-ee) in the dictionary
1. A behaviour, a way of living, not bound by others, but accepting of others, in relentless pursuit of fun and laughter
2. Pussy N. Someone who is fresh, creative, original and entertaining And it seems to have left out:
3. N. Slang for a cute cat or kitten; and
4. N. Slang for you-know-what.

I requested a can of Pussy and to be honest, it wasn’t nasty at all. In fact, Pussy tastes quite delicious. Pussy is made from the juice of fragrant white grapes from Southern Italy, pressed Mexican key limes, infused with the natural flavors of lychee and passion fruit, and an uplifting blend of six energy-giving herbs, including all-the-rage guaraná from Brazil and trendy super berry schizandra (which sounds like a stage magician’s drag queen name) from China (it’s just “wuweizi” to us).

As I was handing a Hot Pussy from the bar to popstar Gigi Leung, who politely refused all photographers that night (Cantopop’s princess can’t be associated with Pussy! Although… her new album is titled “The Cat Afraid of Loneliness.” WINK), a fan named Josie, whom I occasionally bump into at events, sloshed her drink lightly onto me.

“OH sorry I spilled Pussy juice all over you,” she apologized hastily and rather expectedly.