First things first, don’t panic. This may indeed seem like a daunting task, what with all the coordinating between two regional governments you need to do, not to mention the acquisition of steel ingots for the railway, the booking of construction foremen and crew, the saving up of $39 billion, etc. Building an express line to Guangzhou can indeed be quite frustrating! But it’s not an impossible task—with some sheer pig-headed ignorance, an adamant determination not to look at the details, plenty of lip service, and a gross sense of entitlement, you can get one going in a few short years. Since your Express Train will connect Hong Kong to Guangzhou, it is necessary before anything else to begin grandstanding about greater integration into the Pearl River Delta region. You need to find the nearest soapbox. If you can’t find one, write a bloated editorial to the Post or failing that, take out a full-page ad. Now you need to babble on at length about Central Government-mandated five-, ten-, thirty-, and seventy-five year plans (if possible), and be sure to frequently use words such as “integration,” “megacity,” “sustainability,” and “hubs.” Whether or not you want to inspire a sense of metaphysical despair in your readers/listeners is up to you. But do make sure to memorize a list of senior Guangdong cadres beforehand and mention them. If passersby press you for details, continue to say “hubs” at them until they lose interest and move on. Now that that’s taken care of, it’s time to get down to the details. You’re going to need to get the Hong Kong people on your side, because they can be quite annoying if your Express Train demolishes their village. Begin by telling them that yes, you understand life is hard if you’re not an oligarch or politician, and it’s tough miles of toil for years and years with no minimum wage, choking on the pollution from needless infrastructure projects (don’t mention your Express Train here), and cha siu prices are going up, and there is no God, and everything else that concerns them. Once they see you care, reveal your trump card: jobs. Soothe them in the balm of jobs, and promise a rising employment rate. Then tell them you’re taking $39 billion. Note: if someone points out that most of that money will go to property developers and not laborers, yell “MEGACITY!” and flee. Now you have the money and the will. Return to your Legco chamber, rubber stamp a few papers, ring up your preferred property developer, and get your Express Train built! Beware of one snag though: someone may point out that your Express Train terminates 45 minutes outside of the city, making the entire journey to Guangzhou over an hour and a half, much more inconvenient than the faster train that we already have. They may suggest that your entire “Express Train” was a moot point. In this case, curl into a ball beneath your desk and quietly chant your safe word until Chrissie Chau has a wardrobe malfunction and everyone forgets. We suggest “megacity."