That’s what it boils down to, doesn’t it: beauty for women, and erections for men? I’m talking about Chinese medicine. That cornucopia of dried shells, herbs, and animal body parts spread out before shop fronts on Bonham Strand has long been the subject of mystique for visitors around the world, but I’ve always seen it simply as old-school Trimspa and Viagra. Kinda makes you wonder if our ancestors all had serious body image disorders or nothing but chronic erectile dysfunction problems.
I’m not the biggest fan of this stuff. And I know any sensible eater would question just what research has ever been conducted to verify the so-called health benefits of a turtle shell. But I don’t question my mom’s nutritional philosophy these days.
“The frog’s fallopian tube,” said my mom matter-of-factly, sitting across the table at Hong Kong-style dessert shop Hui Lau Shan. “It’s good for you—eat it.”
Rad. I complied instantly—it’s my natural knee-jerk reaction. And then down the hatch dribbled the entire bowl of clear gelatinous Kermit bits, known as “snow frog jelly” on the menu. The slippery, rice noodle-textured pieces tasted only of the sweet coconut milk it was swimming in.
While other kids had to be forced to eat spinach growing up, I was forced to drink down bitter soups with who-knows-what swimming around in them. It’s something I’m sure anyone who’s grown up in a Chinese household can relate to. Food and its nutritional benefits were taken quite literally. Eat the fish eye—it’s good for your eyes. Eat the pig’s blood—it’s good for your blood. Eat this black thing—it’ll make your hair darker. Eat this white thing—it’ll make your skin creamier. The Chinese idea of the food pyramid: two servings a day of white stuff for the skin, one serving of black stuff for the hair, some “yin” for the hot weather, and some “yang” for the cold weather.
Between the ages of 6 to 18, almost everything I ate was supposed to facilitate my development of larger breasts. (My diet consisted largely of dairy.) My brother had it worse. For the men, the general rule was that the more poisonous or sordid the item, the more power and virility you would generate from devouring it. I can’t tell you how many scorpions, snake gall bladders, and cow penises that poor man sampled.