Do not obstruct public hiking trails with litter or sprawling private estates. Do not swim or protest directly after consuming spam and egg noodles from the village diner. When hiking, be sure to bellow loudly at regular intervals into your megaphone to protest how the country park is being ruined for other Hongkongers. Be sure the irony escapes you. Do not swim in construction detritus. Avoid heatstroke: If you are pseudo-model, don a bikini and lightly splash your friends. If you are a tycoon, take a refreshing dip in your swimming pool filled with money. If you are a villager, sell your plot of land given to you by the government, and then take a refreshing dip in your brand- new swimming pool filled with money. Stay out of the water if you are a poor swimmer, or if there are barges loaded with heavy machinery heading to shore. Observe proper beach hygiene. Once you catch Ebola from swimming in the waters, be sure not to spread it to others. Outraged gweilos must be leashed. The following balls are banned from public beaches: inflatable, volley, foot, rugby, ping-pong, wrecking, black-tie. If you spot an oil slick, don’t panic. It’s probably Timothy Fok taking a dip. This is even more likely if Legco is in session.