Our resident poorly informed financial expert Mr. Wu shares his views on the recent economic rally.
Hello fans! You’ll be glad to know that like the economy, I’m back and better than ever. As you can see from the recent two-day stock market rally, the lean times of the past quarter are well and truly over, and to celebrate, I’m taking out a second mortgage to fly Kanye out for a “Bring Back the Boom” themed BBQ at my place—and you’re all invited! Take that, doomsayers!
Now I know I’m not the only one who is happy to be shaving gold leaf onto his fried eggs again, but judging from my inbox, there are some of you out there who are still feeling a little skittish about the economy. Guys, let me explain something to you. Of course it looks bad when you are listening only to the bad news out there. So here’s what I did—I set my Google News alert to chime only when it reads news with the keywords “rally,” “positive indicator,” or “pimp.” And if a negative story manages to slip through, then just un-focus your eyes like you’re looking at a Magic Eye poster and read it from a four-foot distance. Instead of seeing a pony, all I can see is BUY! BUY! BUY!
I know there are still some naysayers out there who think I’m delusional and that I’m just blindly telling whoever will listen to me that the market’s on the mend because I don’t know of any other way to judge the value of my life, but to them I have to ask, hey, do you remember the Krug colonics? They’re back baby! Oh yeah, and remember the caviar facials for my high-maintenance ex-girlfriend, Veronica? Maybe she’ll come back now that I’m back. Yes, back in black!
To be sure, we’ve learned some important lessons from the Mini-Great Depression of FY09 Final Quarter, and we mustn’t ever forget them:
• Be prudent
• Don’t invest money you don’t have
• Don’t live beyond your means
Wait a minute... these lessons... they seem to be contradictory with the important lessons I learned from 2007:
• Spend big
• Live large
• Be a player
