Any guy who thinks Halloween is not the best holiday ever is either very religious, very afraid of girls, or very afraid of the lines at Ocean Park’s Halloween bash. You get presents on Christmas, mooncakes on Cholesterol Day, and crazy outfits on Halloween. Hallelujah.
Halloween is the only day that girls will wear the sluttiest thing possible and be really happy about it*. Saturday I saw a slutty witch, slutty video-game hero, slutty flight attendant, slutty librarian, slutty schoolgirl, and one outfit that I would probably describe only as a slut.
If you’re a guy, these outfits are both completely awesome and confusing because you will deal with the scenario where a girl will say, “do I look hot in this? Hmm, I should show more breast,” but then on a regular Friday its, “Oh my god, look at that girl. WTF is that slut wearing? Gross.” On Halloween, we can thankfully all be sluts.
This Halloween, I made a veteran move and avoided LKF because my idea of a good time is not being herded around like cattle. Actually, LKF is to be avoided for all big holidays unless you show up early before the guard rails are up, begin drinking heavily immediately, and wake up in either Mes Amis or Dusk til Dawn. Instead, I went to Zuma, where annual Dead not Alive Party was hosted, this year featuring free Belvedere vodka. It was a big win from a celebration perspective and a big, big fail from a liver/general confusion over where I am and what my name is perspective.
The most awesome costume was a dude on stilts who was Snow White who apparently is also a professional clown. He showed up to cheers and lots of pictures and was LOVING IT. Like, really loving it. My guess is that he’s all tatted up with clowns over his body and he looks in the mirror every night like DeNiro in “Taxi Driver” as he crosses off his calendar counting down days until next Halloween. Me, I was a zombie doctor after my first outfit didn’t quite make the cut. I was going to walk around in jeans and a polo shirt holding a little Thai boy’s hand and patting him on the head continuously. What? It’s scary, and isn’t that what Halloween’s really about?
* I am excluding every day at Mes Amis and Dusk til Dawn.