Once upon a time, the French reigned as kings of the culinary world. These days, they get a lot of crap from Spain-loving enthusiasts on one end, and those who swear that the Chinese invented everything to begin with on the other.
Paris, 8:00pm, hungry. Rather than engage in either side of the debate, I decided to turn back the clock and go medieval. The invitation was for a pedagogical dinner on medieval cuisine with Professor Bruno Laurioux from the University of Versailles Saint-Quentin. Keep in mind, this was not the Medieval Times, America’s dinner-plus-show guilty pleasure where “knights” joust at each other as the diners cheer and jeer. No, this was on a whole other level—a meal eaten as it would be in the Dark Ages.
Have you ever been to a Harry Potter-themed soiree or a Dungeons & Dragons party? If you answered “no” then that makes two of us, except I’m pretty sure this medieval dinner came close to either of the former. I entered to the tune of chimes and long banquet tables laid out in a U-shape with the seats facing toward the center. The girls—fellow journos—began to call each other “m’lady” and the men “m’lord” in jest, only to be shushed sternly.
“Do not eat the slice of bread on your plate. It is meant to be a sponge to soak up the juices of other dishes,” instructed Monsieur Laurouix. “And at the end of the meal, you chuck it at the poor people or at some dogs.” That statement was wrong on so many levels.
And then there’s the matter of the waterboy. This poor guy was carrying a large stainless steel basin of lukewarm mint-scented water for the guests to wash their hands in after every course. We’d flitter our fingers in the murky communal fluid and then proceed to wipe off the remnant dampness on the boy. The poor fellow—probably a college student in need of petty cash—would also have to fetch wine for us each time we lifted our hands into the air because, for some reason, the wine glasses weren’t allowed to rest directly on the table.
There were other anomalies. No forks were allowed, only spoons. “Technically, only a few people should have knives. They would then cut the meat for others,” added M. Laurioux, whom was taking his role as a feudal lord quite seriously. These dinners must be a total confidence-booster for him.