In a criminal Christmas caper, Mr. Know-It-All’s evil twin, Monsieur Know-It-All, has taken over HK Magazine! He solves your Christmas conundrums with a sinister, yuletide twist. No doubt about it—he’ll definitely be getting a lump of coal in his stocking come Christmas morning.
Dear M. Know-It-All, Christmas just isn’t Christmas without eggnog, but I can’t seem to get hold of any in Hong Kong! Any suggestions?—Nogless on Nathan Road
It is a well-documented fact that due to widespread lactose intolerance in Southeast Asia, eggnog is illegal in Hong Kong, with penalties of up to three years in prison for attempting to import or distribute it. However, it’s possible to make your own, by brewing up a few portions of yakult, rotting fruit and toothpaste together in your toilet cistern. Leave for a couple of weeks, and hey presto! A potent, prison-style pruno, just like how Babyface McGinty used to make back in the big house. Fnar!
Dear M. Know-It-All, I’m useless at gift-wrapping—any advice on how to make my gifts look a little more pro?—Wrap Star
Here’s one piece of advice that I can definitely give when it comes to wrapping gifts. When you are giving your worst enemy a gift that looks like Christmas pudding, but is actually a box filled with live hornets, make sure you wear gloves when wrapping it. And remember to give it a good shake before handing it over. Fnar!
Dear M. Know-It-All, My children are starting to doubt the existence of Santa Claus. How can I make the magic last for just a few more years?—Santa’s Little Helper