The merry month of May is here—will you be dancing around the flagpole of knowledge? Or tangled up in the festive ribbon of your own ignorance? Take our monthly news quiz to find out! 1. Banks are under fire for closing branches in low-income areas. How are residents dealing with the change? A.\tElderly account holders waking up at the crack of dawn, hiking 20 miles barefoot, with crutches—in the snow—and arriving just in time for the lunch rush B.\tSwitching business to cute cardboard “BAN ” set up by enterprising schoolchildren C.\tJust giving all money to Jockey Club, letting them deal with it 2.\tA young minister-slash-Christian rapper is claiming to have converted Edison Chen to Christianity. How? A.\tShowing him image of Gillian burned into holy shroud B.\tTurns out Scientologists have standards C.\tRhymed “Jesus” with “Frees us.” That’s whack! 3.\tThe Cheung Chau Bun Festival kicks off on Monday. After disappointing many by switching to fake plastic buns last year, how are they spicing up the proceedings this year? A.\tOne in every hundred buns filled with live cobra B.\tSetting fire to stilt child, running relay with it around the island C.\tSpecial “Free Tibet” bun tower 4.\tControversial new food labeling laws are set to kick in by May 29. What changes are going to take place as a result? A.\tMars Bars will now contain 10 percent more planetary dust B.\tBlanket ban on Omega-3 products, unless found to contain luxury watches C.\tSoylent Green can no longer be marketed as “Contains absolutely NO humans!” 5.\tThe Hospital Authority has lost the private data of nearly 6,000 patients. How did this happen and what are the implications? A.\tClumsy surgeon left memory stick in Mr. Wong; tried to plug kidney into computer B.\tMasturbatory habits of all of hospital’s patients accidentally uploaded onto Facebook C.\tDo you have any idea how much Mr. Wong’s platelet count would go for on the black market? 6.\tMany people are saying Hong Kong’s freedom of speech was compromised during the Olympic torch relay. How so? A. \tPatriotic mainland youth were only allowed to turn their megaphone volume up to 9 B. \tSafety concerns forced patriotic mainland youth to reduce flag waving vigor by 40 percent C. \tAnyone voicing dissenting opinions bundled into back of police van. Seriously!