Hong Kong Hymns

Christmas in Lan Kwai Fong | O Little Town of Hong Kong | Jingle Hell | Frosty the Blow Man | Ivy the Gold Card Tai Tai | The Hawker’s Hymn | Twelve Days of Winterfest | Hong Kong’s Merry Little Sky | Do They Know It’s Christmas? Christmas in Lan Kwai Fong Sung to the tune of “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” Go find ye merry gentlemen In the clubs of Lan Kwai Fong Remember to spray your armpits And bring your friends along, The guys can be a bit sleazy And some are just plain wrong O the beers won’t make them very shy But don’t deny That it’s better then the streets of Wan Chai In SoHo and in Central you Can play all night and day And the women are all beautiful After a few beers, anyway Get their numbers, buy them drinks Present them with bouquets Don’t cry if they laugh and walk away It’s OK ‘Cause they’re probably not single anyway And if you have no luck so far If you don’t have a date Forget all those lame pickup lines And try some other bait A flashing badge, a stale kebab Or why not demonstrate Your dancing prowess Simply the best ‘Til you wake up hungover and depressed Top O Little Town of Hong Kong Sung to the tune of “O Little Town of Bethlehem” O little town of Hong Kong Although it’s rather small There’s so much that is going on In every street and mall From Kowloon to all the islands It’s always so crowded Take the MTR around To stations in mystery shrouded Doot through the Christmas crowds this year With your trusty Octopus Take the train around the town Forget the dodgy bus Stop by the malls at Taikoo And see the Christmas tree It’s big and kinda tacky but It’s still quite nice to see Then head on to Causeway Bay Continue the spending spree The World Trade Centre and Sogo It’s definitely the place to be Log-on to City’super And don’t forget Times Square Saint Nick may not be Japanese But do we really care? Then ride the train to Admiralty Stop by Pacific Place Go blow your cash at Seibu In this annual shopping race Then doot your way to Central Stop at SoHo for a drink A walk will really clear your head You’ll be sober before you blink Finally take the MTR To fabled Disneyland. Throw snowballs at Mickey Mouse before Joining the parade they planned Beware, the mainland tourists They can be kind of loud Just be nice, don’t poke them hard That’s kind of not allowed Top Jingle Hell Sung to the tune of “Jingle Bells” Jingle bells I’m in hell My boss has gone away It’s getting late It’s half past eight I won’t get home today I’m so depressed I need a rest Before I go insane I’ll play Solitaire On my derriere Then I’ll get back to work again Dashing to and fro Got targets to make To a business lunch I’ll go Schmoozing all the way My mobile phone will ring The Hang Seng Index crashed O what fun to pull my hair And break out in a rash But what’s that? My boss is back! And he gave me some praise I’ll get back to work Wife thinks I’m a jerk But I might just get a raise! Top Frosty the Blow Man Sung to the tune of “Frosty the Snowman” Frosty the blow man Was a jolly happy soul With his underweight bags, And fifteen phones, And a Dai Lo on parole Frosty the blow man Consumes nothing but champagne With a contact here And a racket there He has built up quite a name There must have been some magic in those Bags he pushed around When bankers sniffed a rolled-up note They began to talk quite loud O! Frosty the blow man Was a friend to the city Though the socialites say That he made them pay Twice as much as you or me Frosty the blow man Knew the law was near one day Said: “Though it’s been fun I had better run Now before I’m put away” Down to Wyndham Street he ran With a model in his hand Running here and there and Around the square singing: “Catch me if you can!” O! Frosty the blow man Had to hurry on his way But as he waved goodbye Said “Don’t you cry Come see me in Phuket some day” Top Ivy the Gold Card Tai Tai Sung to the tune of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” Ivy the Gold Card tai-tai (tai-tai) Loved to buy expensive clothes (Just like Kai-bong!) Prada, Hermes, Versace (Saatchi) LV Bags? She’s got three of those (So this season!) All of the other tai-tais (tai tais) Watched her oh-so jealously (what a bi-atch) ‘Cause she had all the latest fashion (fashions) And a discount card for Tiffany’s (loyal customer!) Then one pre-sale at IFC Her husband came to say (Oh, no, no) I’ve been caught embezzling in Macau Life’s going to be kind of diff’rent now Ivy is now a changed woman (woman) Now her husband’s in the clink (seven years!) No more couture for Ivy (Ivy) She can’t even afford a shrink! Top The Hawker’s Hymn Sung to the tune of “Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire” Chestnuts roasting on an open fire Stinky tofu getting up your nose Buttered waffle clogging your arteries And fishballs splashing on your clothes Everybody knows A couple pirate DVDs Help to make the season bright Tiny triads with their cig’rettes aglow Will find it hard to sleep tonight They know that anti-vice is on its way They’ve got a warrant and they’re raiding them today And ev’ry hawker stall is gonna try To tell us that fake Hindmarch bag’s a great buy And so I’m offering this simple phrase To dodgy vendors through and through Although you’ve made money in so many ways Don’t get caught now, will you? Top Twelve Days of Winterfest Sung to the tune of “12 Days of Christmas” On the twelfth day of Winterfest, the city gave to me Toxic toys from China Plastic Christmas trees Cancer-causing Pringles Trackside live horses Pissed pentagon officials Snow fights in the tropics Tacky Christmas lights Li-ka Shing’s stake on Facebook An empty Disneyland Price hike on bacon A brand new legislator And a promise of democracy (Repeat x12) Top Hong Kong’s Merry Little Sky Sung to the tune of “Ding Dong Merrily on High” Hong Kong’s merry little sky Is filled with grayish smog Meanwhile governments deny They say it’s just a fog Glooooooooooria, the winter smog is pretty. Our air pollution indices Are pretty damn outdated Let’s all go get lung disease While the government debates it Glooooooooooria, it’s surely time to change them Mainland tourists up The Peak Say there’s nothing to see there Smells like there’s been a gas leak No one can breathe our bad air Glooooooooooria, let’s all emigrate to Vancouver Top Do They Know It’s Christmas? Sung to the tune of “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” We’re diplomats There’s no need to be afraid At Christmastime We throw out kids not biologically made She was never really ours So we pulled our silver spoon Saved on schools fees And made a gym in her old bedroom But say a prayer Pray for the little kid She’s in a state home Wondering what she did There’s a world outside her window And it’s a world of dread and fear Where love cannot be trusted And your “parents” disappear She was last season’s accessory And chucked away this year Well tonight thank God it’s her instead of you And they called her “Jade” and dressed her up in cheongsams Their Asian baby was adored by all their friends (Oooh) But when she began to grow They didn’t want to know Do they know it’s Christmastime at all? (Let’s go Dutch) Raise a glass to everyone (Here’s to Jade) Swop her for another one? Do they know it’s Christmastime at all? Let’s go Dutch Let’s go Dutch Now we have an extra room Let’s go Dutch It’s not like she’s from my womb (Repeat, then fade) Top

Hong Kong Hymns

.css-1c6uqr6{color:inherit;font-weight:inherit;font-size:inherit;font-family:inherit;line-height:inherit;overflow-wrap:break-word;}Get in the Christmas sprit with these festive holiday songs. By Leeann Bennett and Sarah Fung. Illustrations by Ali Reid and Sarah Prior.

Christmas in Lan Kwai Fong

O Little Town of Hong Kong

Get in the Christmas sprit with these festive holiday songs. By Leeann Bennett and Sarah Fung. Illustrations by Ali Reid and Sarah Prior.