You think humans are evolved, and then you go to a costume party and everyone’s competing to be the brightest-colored chick with the most feathers. I went to a bird-themed costume party last week and it was all feathers sexily adorning the décolletage and sexily positioned in sexily tousled hair.
All creative dress codes are conceived by women, for women. But mainly for other women, so they trip up and lose yet another foothold in the evolutionary arms race to out-sexy the woman who thought of the dress code in the first place.
Strolling in, I immediately spot the host and dress code deviser, wearing a hot little number in a somewhat liberal interpretation of the theme. It always involves a revealing black dress and bedroom eyes. Women! Always trying to fulfill our biological imperative and get that birthing thing underway. Well, when we’re not cooking and cleaning and being scared of insects.
Everyone else, predictably, is in their ordinary clothes with a small concession to the dress code pinned to the bodice. Like the magpie appropriating shiny gewgaws, these females do their peacocking with small items like hot-pink boas or simply a single feather plucked from another’s outfit.
Well, except for the host’s best friend, the only other person whose getup is as remarkably feathered and jeweled and attention-grabbing. In the wild, such sharing of resources is known as biological altruism. The guys, naturally, are dressed as usual. Equally naturally, several loudly crow that they’re there as cocks, not unlike an actual cock.
Of course, there's always that lone biologically accurate dresser who comes as, just for example, a pink-footed Erect-Crested Penguin, in a black dress with fake tuxedo shirt, red shoes, and a lack of obvious feathers. The host will probably try to drape them with a feather boa, just ‘cause it’s a par-tay. You will probably hear them cry “penguins don’t have fluffy pink feathers!” They might even dazzle you with their extensive knowledge on the subject and actually, how totally hot yet penguin-like they look. Wow, are those wings fashioned from a woolen scarf?
