Sex Machine

Fantasies

Straight from the gutter and into your minds...
“Tired athletes”
“My girlfriend doing it with an ex.”
“Being ravaged by the DHL guy!!!!!”
“Humping a traffic cop.”
“Watching any figure of authority masturbate.”
“Being grabbed in individual fitting room,
which is covered by a curtain.”
“I’m a dog.”
“To be a sports teacher in a girls’ high school.”
“Impossible love becoming (momentarily) possible.”
“Virgin teen hardcore sex.”
“To go to the Anlantic [sic] ocean by own plane.”
“Modeling for Chanel’s new G-string and making out with the male models in front of the crew when photoshooting – and the big boss of Chanel is watching us!”
“Being dominated by two she-males.”
“In the fields with lots of chiffon entwining.”
“Hung up and half-choked.”
“Hitmen with too much hair gel.”
“Sex with Russian man when I can’t speak his language and he can’t speak mine. 70% of communication is nonverbal... great sex proves that.”
“Sex after yoga class with several of the women in the class.”
“Knowledge of hotcrotch.”
“Being a woman and having lesbian sex.”
“Two cucumbers.”

Your Fetishes

Some of your more interesting fetishes include cosplay, father/daughter roleplay, fisting, double anal penetration, hairy chests, skin-heads, “feet... feet... feet!,” armpit odors, latex, anuses, gang rape and blindfold fantasies, fire, glasses, public exposure, shoes, voyeurism, masturbating at work, teeth, rimjobs, police uniforms, “diagonal zips,” interracial porn, getting shaved, bukkake, sex cartoons, being pinned down, ball gags, rubber, sports kits, nipple tape, upskirts, big hands, armpits, toes, schoolgirls, duvets, and yes, “the sound of people walking.”

Also:
“Blowjob from wife in Santa outfit.”
“Being a nurse to a cute patient or doctor.”
“Don’t know any... Does doing ‘it’ with Disney characters count?”
“My people’s sworn enemies (I’m Jewish).”
“The sound of my partner getting turned on.”
“Cliché, but the schoolgirl thing is hot, though only if it’s
impossible to believe she’s actually of schoolgirl age.”
“Bottle inside my girl’s hole.”

Doing The Funky Monkey

But that’s old news to most of you creative, adventurous types who wrote in to describe the new sex moves you’ve picked up this year. From the frog to teabagging to the “downward dog move, with a twist” to the rusty trombone, you were rife with metaphors for doing what we like to call the Mashed Potato. What, never heard of it?

Then there were the more vanilla (butt-clenching, doing it standing) to the slightly mocha (rimming, fuck dolls) to the downright applause-worthy (“heart stimulator,” whatever that means, but it sounds kooky). One jaded Casanova sighed, “Tried it all.” Wonder if he tried this tip from a lusty stud: “Frozen banana in a condom. Use it on your partner for about 20 seconds before doing her. The feeling is just sensational when you enter her.”

Other things you try at home:
>Durex magic wand
>Candlewax
>Abstinence
>Cosplay
>Finger sucking
>Cock rings
>Sound of peeing (“urethral sound”)
>“Playing AV girls in front of partner”

Old Dogs, New Tricks

According to our survey, about 30% of you are not satisfied with your sex life, but 85% of you believe your partners are. Those numbers don’t quite add up. Either keep living in your bubble of self-deception or try some of these ways to kick-start your and your partner’s libido, as recommended by Dr. Matthew Yau, the chairman of the Hong Kong Association of Sexuality Educators, Researchers & Therapists.