It’s not just your office environment that can be hazardous to your health. 20 percent of people cite their relationship with their colleagues as the main reason for dissatisfaction at work, which isn’t surprising when you have to spend day after day cooped up with people you’d ordinarily cross the street to avoid. Do any of these annoying office stalwarts sound familiar? The Personal Life Broadcaster Typically a woman. This creature often discusses the gruesome details of her personal life at maximum volume into her phone. Simply by showing up at your job, you can learn everything there is to know about her – the friends she hates because they gossip too much, the boyfriend with three nipples, her menstrual cycle... Is nothing sacred? The Fung Shui Obsessive It’s all very well that the Fung Shui obsessive wants to maximize wealth for the company - albeit in a way that doesn’t actually include doing any work - but when he wants to move your office to the store cupboard in the hallway, you know you’ve got to put your foot down. The most irritating thing is that Fung Shui is a hobby that he picked up six months ago, and he insists on pronouncing it Feng Shooey. Jerk. “I Only Have Two Hands” Guy Clipboard in hand, this dude always looks busy. His standard response to any assignment is “ I only have two hands...” while shaking his head sadly. And if he actually gotten anything done (which is rare), he will make sure that everyone in the office knows about it. Strangely though, his knowledge of MSN Messenger shortcuts is encyclopediac. The Uptight Office Lady If there were two words that could describe the uptight office lady, they would undoubtedly be “small” and “pinched.” From her lips, to her frame, to her demeanor, everything is repressed and pent up, simmering below the surface until the burden of picking up everyone’s slack gets too much and she explodes in a ball of rage. Except that day hasn’t come yet, and she has to content herself by shooting heart-stopping (in the bad way) glances at all and sundry, producing pashminas out of thin air to grudgingly hand to the underdressed receptionist and trying not to mind too much when she doesn’t get an invite to after-work hot pot, contenting herself that the boss will eventually notice her nightly unpaid overtime and consider her for promotion. One of these days. The Obsessive Compulsive A ticking time bomb, ready to detonate at any irregularity that strays away from his rigidly structured life. To deal with life’s stresses, he probably runs to the bathroom to floss his teeth. Last week, a colleague’s cell phone started ringing while he was away from his desk. There he was, peering over the top of his computer with beady eyes and a clenched jaw, wondering which fool didn’t set their phone to silent. And when the going gets tough, he gets started cleaning his desk... The Pack Rat Pack Rats possess some type of moral dilemma that prevents them from throwing anything out. Most often seen in their natural habitat (lurking behind a tower of crap), Pack Rats pause as they come across some random item, rationalize why they might need it in the near future, and then lovingly place it somewhere with a sigh of contentment. As a result of the clutter they accumulate, coworkers tend to lock them behind a door and send them emails rather than risk being buried alive. Indulged Intern You know the one. Daddy owns a telecommunications empire/shopping center/principality, which means she can swan in at half-past eleven after brunching at Harvey Nichols with her stepmom, only to break the photocopier and somehow lose the office’s entire stockpile of coffee. Everyone is just counting down the days until her term is up, so they can give her an unfavorable evaluation. Ha! That’ll show her. Oh, actually, she’s already guaranteed a place in her octogenarian father’s company, and it’s only a matter of months before she becomes CEO. Damn. But the real reason they hate her? It’s because her weekly allowance is more than their monthly salary. Stressed Out? Bad Feng Shui? Is your office hazardous to your health? Click here to find out.
