College Gear and Smuggling

The best tip I ever got about smuggling food through the airport came from a pilot.

“College t-shirts,” said Tim. “Dress in head-to-toe college gear. Preferably sporting the name of one of those schools in the American heartland. University of Illinois, that’s a good one. They’ll never stop a college student.”

I’m one of those people they always stop at customs, and I’m pretty sure it’s because I’m Chinese. “Are you carrying mooncakes or dried shrimp?” just doesn’t seem to be the kind of question I can imagine someone asking a blonde with blue eyes. The airport is one of the only places left in the world where this type of blatant racial discrimination is still standard course. I have Middle Eastern friends who now make it a habit to shave and dress nicely before boarding their US-bound flight to avoid the heavy pat-downs and “back room” interrogations when they land. No doubt national security is no laughing matter, but the gravity of a bag of lychees pales in comparison.

The corresponding amount of happiness for a homesick Hongkonger craving those lychees, on the other hand—well, that can be tremendous. And this comes from the personal experience of someone who coaxed her college boyfriend to hand-carry stinky tofu from Taiwan across an ocean. It arrived plastic-wrapped, folded in foil, then stuffed into a ziplock bag, and finally closed up in a Tupperware container. Sort of like a Russian nesting doll of stinky packaged food.

This time around, it was Catherine who was the one batting her eyelashes and promising eternal gratitude in return. “I don’t see what would be so hard about bringing some roasted goose from Yung Kee to New York. Please, Amy, I read in the papers that there’s fears the restaurant may close! This may be my last chance,” she cooed. “And didn’t you bring a vacuum-packed bag of pastrami from Katz’ Deli back to Hong Kong last time?”

I tried to explain to her that it was much easier the other way around. Hong Kong has one of the world’s most “open-door” approaches to imports, and we should thank our lucky stars for our bone-in meats and unpasteurized cheeses. (One of Hong Kong’s top customs officials is even an avid food blogger.)