You lazy bastard – look at you, sitting there, playing your video games, eyes glued to the big-screen TV, scarfing down those salt-and-vinegar chips and sucking on a soda. Why don’t you get off your ass and get moving? Sure, we’ve heard it all before: “the gym’s too expensive,” “it’s too far away,” Well, complain no more, we’ve got your solution right here: gadgets that will keep you in shape and are fun at the same time, rated for your lazy pleasure.
Wii Fit
All you Wii owners with bulked up arms and chicken legs, fret not! Salvation is at hand –realizing your disproportioned plight, those Mario geniuses have developed the Wii Fit, combining the best of gaming with the worst of exercising. Along with the external Balance Board device, “exergamers” will be given a choice of over 40 different activities, divided by aerobics, yoga, balance games and muscle conditioning. The board also measures your body mass index and center of gravity – meaning that this time, for real, you’ll never have to leave your apartment again. It’s set for release in January 2008 and will retail for around $550.
Fitness 5 out of 5
Fun 3 out of 5
Fee 4 out of 5
Gamercize
It seems like such an obvious idea – take the hamster wheel and refine it for humans. It’s just surprising that it’s taken so long for us to accept that, yes we need that carrot to get us moving. Gamercize is an attachment for all gaming consoles, coming in both the stepper and the cycle. Plug the bad boy in to your PS3, start stepping and your controller will respond. Slow down or stop, and watch as the evil Los Cucarachas cap yo’ gangsta ass because your controller has stopped functioning. Parents: glue it to your blimp boy’s machine and watch the pounds fly off. $620 for the Gamercize. $470 for the stepper attachment, $700 for the cycle attachment.
www.gamercize.com
Fitness 4 out of 5
Fun 5 out of 5
Fee 3 out of 5
Nike+iPod
The most well known of all of these selections, the Nike+iPod is a combination device that measures and records your walk/run. If you have an iPod nano, you can order a small accelerometer that attaches to specialized Nike footwear – take your morning stroll and it’ll record the time, distance, pace and calories burned, updating you on your earphones as you move. Cheap $10 pedometers from Wan Chai be damned! Fork over $220 and the set (minus Nano) can be yours.
www.nikeplus.com.hk.
Don’t feel like springing out $1,000 for a pair of Nikes? The Marware Sportsuit Sensor+ is a little rubber pouch that attaches to any pair of sneakers, keeping your accelerometer safe without the name-brand prices:
www.marware.com.
iPod but no sneakers? No problem – head on over to iTrain for a series of downloadable fitness regimes, varying between treading, cycling, sculpting and more, all dictated by professional trainers. It’s around $400 per year for as many sessions as you want.
www.itrain.com
Fitness 3 out of 5
Fun 2 out of 5
Fee 4 out of 5
Entertrainer Exercise Motivator
TV more your thing? Try the Entertrainer. An exercise belt that is wirelessly connected to your television, the Entertrainer is devised to act as a motivator/torture device for all you idiot box addicts. Keep moving and you can listen to Oprah’s warbling all day, but slow down and so too does the volume, eventually shutting down altogether if you stop. It retails for $1,100 from
www.theentertrainer.com. Come on, you’re going pay these guys a grand to turn off your TV? Have you no shame?
Fitness 2 out of 5
Fun 3 out of 5
Fee 1 out of 5
Progio Training Companion
How useless are some personal trainers? I used to know this guy, a trainer at a highly frequented gym – he had the hugest gut, I mean like orca-level fatness. How he got by I’ll never know – anyway, don’t take any risks and get a Progio, your own personal handheld trainer. Strap it onto your arm and it’ll teach you the basics of a good workout through downloadable demonstrational videos. It also measures your progress, tracks your heart rate and times your workout – after which it’ll upload the info to its mother ship website, where the professionals will give you a plan of how to improve different areas of your regime. The $4,000 price seems steep, but go down to your local gym and ask how much one of those bastards charge an hour.
www.progio.com
Fitness 2 out of 5
Fun 3 out of 5
Fee 1 out of 5
Mugen Puchi Puchi
What’s the best part about receiving a package in the mail? The box-fort? The Styrofoam? The actual contents? Nah, we all know it’s that addictive bubble wrap –hundreds of compressed-air bubbles, rows of little balloons waiting to be popped, all just for you. Once you pop, you just can’t stop – and it’s a great workout for your fingers, too. Sorta. Wait no more by the mailbox – now you can do it anytime, anywhere, thanks to those kooky Japanese. The Mugen Puchi Puchi (named after the glorious sound it makes) is a handheld device that recreates a square of reusable bubble wrap, with every 100 pops giving you a bonus fart sound or a woman orgasming. Double happiness indeed. And it’s just $50 from
www.strapya.com.
Fitness 2 out of 5
Fun 5 out of 5
Fee 5 out of 5
