California So it’s Golden Week and you couldn’t get away to the loud, proud discos of the mother country. Pretend you’re there anyway by coming here and cuddling up to one of the many speakers blasting the best in hip-hop from a few years ago. It probably won’t be loud enough, so tap the DJ (Sir Scratch on Fridays) on his non-headphoned shoulder and threaten to break his legs if he doesn’t turn it up. When he does, shake his hand and buy him a popular house-recommended mojito. Usher in the rest of your tour group and squat the night away! G/F, California Tower, 30-32 D’Aguilar St., Central, 2530-3695. Typhoon Guangzhou’s booming, but you’d hardly know it from these occasionally clear blue skies. Head down to Typhoon and perch by one of the five French doors, as far away from the cool, clean carefully conditioned air of the lounge. Ignore the nautical theme of the bar, since it’s anathema to your policy of the smoggier the better, and order a dirty martini. The dirtier the better, you can chuckle heartily while the usually pleasant bar staff look on without amusement. Be sure to lean out the windows frequently and wave at the Guangdong-esque traffic of Lockhart Road. 37 Lockhart Rd., Wan Chai, 2527-2077. Adrenaline If there’s one thing about a Shenzhen disco it’s their judiciously excessive use of strobe lighting. Hey, if the 80s were good enough for your parents, they’re good enough for you. So embrace filial piety and check out Adrenaline, which sometimes has DJ nights where nary a lightbulb stays the same shade of eye-burning blue, red or green for longer than a second. “Ow, my eye!” you’ll cry, but it’ll hurt in a good way. Keep grooving, it’s funky house and hip-hop and you’ll probably be able to see again by the end of the night. 1 Sports Rd., Happy Valley Racecourse, Happy Valley, 3690-3690. HaHa Taste is wasted on the rich. Buy everything, and buy it in fluorescent, that’s your motto. Since you’ve just come into a lot of money, what with your factory up to nearly a billion Gucci bags a month, you’ll want some ridiculously expensive cocktails to go with your ridiculously expensive self, so try a $105 Sexy in the City. The counter is marvelously blue-lit – take this chance to bathe in the bright rich glow. Did you know you have to be a member, but you can buy your way in for a mere few thousands a year? Peanuts to you, of course, so toss it onto the bar with the rest of the bar snacks and leave in a flurry of loud chatter and clacking heels. B/F, 2-3 Lan Kwai Fong, Central, 2810-9983.