Portobello’s By day, a ye-olde-English teahouse; by night, a purveyor of decadently sticky desserts, wines and boozes. Cozy, dark and velvety, Portobello’s also boasts a frilly, fragrant bog. Chug your wine amid vintage décor and dark red couches, then make your excuses and go see the man about the dog. The back booth may be great for cuddling, and the side booth a perfect spot to socialize with a medium-sized group of friends, but when it comes to satisfaction, head to the Victorian-esque powder room and pee, pee your little heart out. G/F, 7-9 Staunton St., SoHo, 2523-8999. Kee Club Ah, Kee. Dripping with sophistication, it’s home to classy types, the occasional chilled-out electronica night, and short, mirrored rows of stall toilets. Had one more martini than your puny bladder could manage? A stroll through darkened, sofa’d rooms decorated with random art pieces will bring you to these small, sophisticated lavs decked out with dark reflective walls. Clean and happily free of suspicious puddles on the floor, each comfortably fits two and features a small shelf just above the cistern – great, shiny places to store small personal items. 6/F, 32 Wellington St., Central, 2186-1861. D’Apartment It’s made up like a real house - just nicer, bigger and more color-coordinated than yours. Chill out in the orange living room area, perch on the bar stools in the study, or grab a drunken dirty dancer and hit the kitschy toilet, which is extra-large and features a sliding door; a nice flourish that also opens space for more adventurous sexual favors. Exhibitionist? Show yourself off to the punters queuing outside, on break from the popular hip-hop booming in the club most weekends. You know you love it. UG/F, California Entertainment Building, 34-36 D’Aguilar St., Central, 2523-2002. Felix One of the swankiest bars in Hong Kong, Felix stocks plenty of the expensive gins, vodkas and whiskeys to trigger your bladder for a visit to the famed white marble toilets with their floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking all of Kowloon. Perhaps you’re pinned firmly beneath the thumb of authority. Whipping out old Richard at black marble urinals over a panoramic view of Hong Kong will be just the thing to relax your iron grip on inferiority. Hen-pecked? The kind smiles and warm towels of the bathroom attendant make it even harder to leave. 28/F, The Peninsula Tower, Salisbury Rd., Tsim Sha Tsui, 2315-3188.