Revolution HK!

We can smell it too… revolution is in the air! Our mainland overlords may have quashed last weekend’s would-be Jasmine Revolution in Beijing and Shanghai, but Hong Kong’s insurgent groups stand firm in their convictions to overturn the status quo! Viva the following revolutions:

Restaurant Revolution Restaurateurs all over the city aim to turn the tables on amateur reviewers—together, white hats on, they shall stand in solidarity and barge into OpenRice reviewers’ homes and judge them on their tacky décor; overly creamy mid-sections; thin, watery hair; and deep inner sense of loneliness.

Smokers Revolution Smokers in Hong Kong have been pushed around far too long. First they were banned from restaurants, then bars—and not even the mighty Catering Functional Constituency could save them. And now they want to hike up their taxes and maybe even limit sales in convenience stores? The smokers of Hong Kong shall gather outside of the Legislative Council and – together – puff their way to emphysema; strokes; cardiovascular disease; malformed infants; mouth, throat and lung cancer; and FREEDOM!

Jasmine Tea Revolution We’ve revolved the lid on this teapot for like 20 minutes already—where’s that dim sum lady?!

Hong Kong Facebook Revolution We heard a lot about these social media revolutions, and we want in on it—no more “Salsa Nights in LKF” Facebook messages! No more WhatsApp group chats about what you ate for breakfast, and if you’ve gotten married, changed your name and use a picture of a nameless infant as a profile pic, then don’t expect us to know who you are. The revolution begins here! DEFRIEND button at the ready!

Group-Buying Singularity This one is not a revolution per se, but more of omega-level cosmic event. When faced with mounting competition from group discount buying websites, all it takes is for one company to hit upon the idea of offering a group discount on—yes, that's right—group discount buying websites. Excited by such a bargain, every adult in Hong Kong buys one at a whopping discount, thus causing the entire group buying business to collapse in on itself, thus breaking the internet and sending all of known time-space into a wormhole of exciting offers and great buy-one-get-one deals on foot rubs!