Hong Kong Sevens Costume

The Hong Kong Sevens start next Friday! Do you know what you’re dressing up as? If the answer’s not Drunk English/Australian Guy in a Rugby Shirt, I’ve got some suggestions for you:

• A Rugby Player: If it looks like there’s no way you could actually play Rugby professionally, just tell people you’re on the Canadian national team.
• A Coked-Out Banker: Wear a strung out version of your regular work clothes and bring a giant bag of sugar to convince idiots to snort.
• An HK Rugby 7s Organizer: Cause massive confusion by telling everyone that South Stand is open and to please cut the queue repeatedly.
• Mormon Missionary: Have you been saved yet?
• Zoroastrian Missionary: Have you been saved yet? (The year is 550 BC).
• Mark Zuckerberg: Tell girls you like them and then poke them repeatedly until you’re a billionaire.
• Kidz Halloween: Put on some badly designed costumes like a ghost made out of a sheet, a mummy made out of toilet paper, and a high school kid made out of ketamine.
• A Distraught Mother Looking for her Daughter: “Excuse me? Have you seen a girl? She’s about six years old, blond hair, blue eyes? She was just here. If I don’t find her, I’ll [long pause], it’s just… [burst into tears].
• A Citicrook Protestor. Hey, it’s 2011, we know banks are evil, we’re just jaded about it.
• Confused Green Bay Packer Fan at the wrong event.
• A Bouncer Outside Volar: Don’t let anyone in (you are standing in front of the women’s toilet).
• The All Blacks (Chess Pieces): d2 Nf6. Haha! Only two people got this joke.
• A Large Baby with a milk bottle filled with Kahlua.
• A Middle-Aged Man Preying on High School Girls: Just be yourself.
• A Super Hot Girl. (Note: this only works if you are a super hot girl).
• A Ghost or The USA Rugby Team: We think they both might exist—we just can’t prove it.
• A Wan Chai Strip Club Door Lady: “Hello! Free beer! You come in one minute! Hello! Hello!”
• The US Navy in town: “Free beer you say? I’m there.”
• A Reverse Stripper: As you talk to people, slowly put on more and more clothing until you’re a perfect sphere. Then, roll away. Sexily.
• A Subway: Eat Fresh! Subway’s the best! (Shamelessly name-drop Subway in the hopes that they’ll sponsor you).
• A Cathay Pacific Pilot: If you tell them you fly planes for CX, they’ll probably let you into the stadium, right? This will work well if you bring your own 747.
• Señor Pimms: Sombrero. Pimms Cup. Done. Hola Señor Pimms, cómo estás?
• Dr. Silvia Patron: This is basically the same thing except instead of a Sombrero you have a doctor’s coat and instead of a Pimms Cup you have a bottle of Patron.
• A Fake Priest and an Actual Priest Who Loves Pranks (“APWLP”): Here’s the set-up—you fake-marry random strangers as a gag and give them beers. Then, the APWLP actually marries them so that they must be together forever or go to hell. At least that’s what the Zoroastrian ministers tell me.