The Bender (Part 1) – Thursday/Friday

To commemorate Hong Kong Sevens weekend, I went on a four-day bender. Part one of my diary:

Thursday
I wake up feeling sober, alert, and exhausted. It is the ungodly hour of 7am, a time when only school teachers and guys who do runs in really short shorts are up. Normally I’d try to sleep in but today I’m attending an offsite on negotiation techniques. Apparently management was skeptical of my current negotiation strategy of aggressively threatening customers with knives. Go figure.

6pm rolls along and the weekend has officially started if you ignore Friday like I’m about to do. I’m at Zuma at 6:03 and undertaking a negotiation with my wallet to drink every girly cocktail on the menu. Two sake martinis, two espresso martinis, one White Russian, and one Singapore Sling later, I feel, well, exactly the same as before. Did I mention I’m a high-functioning alcoholic? Sorry, I seem to have some bouts of short-term memory loss.

We all head off to a company dinner where I polish off a bottle of red and then a mixture of beer, white wine, and red wine, meaning that over the course of dinner I got so drunk that I actually mixed those three things together and took them as shots. Flush with success I tell everyone I am going to use the restroom but somehow get distracted and wander into a taxi. We sit there in silence looking at each other until I remember I am supposed to give directions. “Go straight,” I mumble and amazingly that’s what we do.

Three blocks before my home I hop out at the International Park N Shop on Queen’s Road and protest their sky-high prices by vomiting profusely outside the store. When finished I stumble home, getting up every few hours to go to the toilet for more negotiations and protests.

I wake up at 8am in the bathroom. Well, that happened.