They’re Watching Us

Is it just us, or is the Chinese Communist Party acting more hyper-paranoid than usual of late? Following the arrest and subsequent “disappearing” of outspoken artist Ai Weiwei, we’ve noticed that people are getting a little twitchy around town when it comes to protesting or speaking out against the Central Government. Here are some of the highlights we've noticed from the past few weeks:

• An image of Ai Weiwei appears on piece of toast in a cha chaan teng in Sham Shui Po. Cops arrive and arrest the toast.
   
• The newly installed CCTV cameras outside the Legco building pick up images of people dressed in white, holding flowers and congregating in the hallways. Fearing a “Jasmine Revolution,” a PTU squad swoops down and arrests 36 people, who turn out to be posing for their pre-wedding photos. A similar sting takes place on Pottinger Street, and outside the Tiffany’s in the Landmark.
   
• Unsure of what else to do, Donald Tsang puts himself in a rap video in support of the communist government, which is then uploaded to YouTube. It is taken down immediately when someone with the username "Chinasuxx89" gives it a thumbs-down.
   
• Shadowy figures are stenciling inflammatory graffiti in prominent places around the city, leading to a widespread police investigation. While officers scour the Yau Tsim Mong district, nine robberies and 16 murders are committed.
   
• An employee of the Cultural Department is sent down to Hollywood Road to check art galleries for “subversive art.” A painting of a bowl of lemons is confiscated, as the mainland does not wish to be thought of as “sour.”
   
• To show his would-be Beijing masters that he’ll take a tough line, wannabe CE Henry Tang quashes a single white jasmine flower.
   
• Panic-stricken media officials shut down Broadband TV after Niles from “Frasier” offers to get a “Chinese takeout” during a mid-afternoon rerun. No one shall ever “take out” the CCCP!