I’m a Bust Your Cantonese Dialect Myth

So after I bitchpleased that poor uneducated gweilo in my column “Watch your Language,” I received quite a number of WhatsApps and emails from curious Anglophones, those who actually want to learn Chinese and connect with the local culture. However, they’re very confused with the language issue here in Hong Kong. Should I learn Cantonese or Mandarin in HK? Is Cantonese a dialect?

Let’s review your conceptions of language and dialect. The general consensus is that if two languages are mutually unintelligible (that means incomprehensible), they’re separate, distinct languages. If they’re mutually intelligible, they may be considered dialects of each other.

But then politics always wants to butt in and redefine things. Most linguists joke that a dialect backed up by a government is a language; a language not backed by a government with weapons will be considered… a dialect.

Wait, are these Chinese languages really that different? They all sound the same to me. Ching chong wang dong aaaaaah.

Let’s look at Romanized examples of a simple phrase that may be uttered in Hong Kong, Beijing and Taipei daily: “I’m eating with him/her today.”

Cantonese:
[ngo gamyat tung keui sik faan.]
Putonghua:
[wo  jirrr  he  ta  chrr  fan.]
Taiwanese:
[gua ginalit ka’ i jiak png]
 

Do they look or sound like the same bloody language to you? Budding linguists may notice that there are some cognates, but if you’ve never learned another variety of Chinese other than whatever you grew up speaking, you will be going WTF?