We all know Hong Kong’s great tradition as an Asian movie-making machine, so here are some ideas for movies based here. Lan Kwai Fong A bunch of beautiful young people spend their nights partying in LKF and having lots of sex. Hold up—that movie actually exists. Lan Kwai Fong II Shot guerilla-style, LKF II is a more “real” take on Central’s top party spot. We follow James (20s) and his best friend Tam (20s) navigate through the nightlife of LKF as they unsuccessfully try to get into Play, vomit outside of 7-Eleven and hit on a flirtatious girl that turns out to be a prostitute. TST Same movie but all the girls turn out to be prostitutes. The Macau Score Jason (40s) falls in love with Happy (20s), a dealer at a Venetian blackjack table. However, it turns out that Jason is a master criminal bent on taking the casino for millions! As Jason and Happy’s relationship deepens, he questions his commitment to the score and his Big Fat Boss named Fatty Big Boss. The film culminates when Jason—played by Chow Yun-fat—stares super intensely at a deck of playing cards for a long time for no apparent reason. Sad Banker “Sad Banker” follows the stories of Jack (40s), Cheryl (30s) and Billy (20s) as they watch the stock market continue to fall. The most emotional scene is halfway through when Cheryl and Jack lament that their bonus this year will only be HK$3-4 million while Billy nods in agreement and a waiter overhearing the conversation tries to commit suicide. Hong Kong Tale An American tourist is stuck in Hong Kong following yet another volcanic eruption in some small country that’s running out of money. Unable to find a hotel room, he checks into a 24-hour sauna but, um, “somehow” loses all his money. Afterwards he searches for a good Mexican restaurant for comfort food but finds them all to be terrible. Even Stephen Two identical twins separated at birth fall in love with the same woman, who mistakenly thinks they are the same person. One is the CEO of a major corporation and the other is a poor professor. After finding out about each other at an art exhibition, the brothers agree that whoever she kisses first is her one true love and the losing brother will leave town. Both brothers are played by Stephen Chow. Across the Water Apple (20s), a career-oriented woman living in Sheung Wan, meets a mysterious stranger, Gary (30s), out one night in a restaurant. Stars align and they kiss outside the International supermarket. But then, Apple finds out Gary’s TERRIBLE secret: he lives on an outlying island. She visits Central ferry pier and stares wistfully at the ferry timetables—such a long-distance relationship could never work. The Coffee Wars Pacific Coffee and Habitu make a secret alliance to destroy Starbucks and hire Donnie Yen as the “Coffee Consultant,” a master Wing Chun barista who spends a lot of scenes crushing coffee beans. Yen’s catchphrase: “You’re closed for business… permanently.” On My Own (Horror) When Kitty’s domestic helper goes on holiday, Kitty (20s) is faced with the terrifying prospect of cleaning her own apartment, cooking her own food and doing other things that literally everybody in the world outside of Hong Kong has to do. In the end, Kitty is killed by a pile of dirty laundry, which crushes her. The Rent Nelson (20s) tries to rent an apartment, only to find that the rent has grown by 20 percent as he slept! The next day, Nelson writes a check for a security deposit, only to find that the rent has increased by another 30 percent! In the end, Nelson is forced to move to a small apartment in Shenzhen, where he is unfortunately killed by a vampire (Robert Pattinson). Yalun Tu is a columnist for HK Magazine. You can reach him at yalun.tu@gmail.com or @yaluntu on Twitter.