bodyType

customContents

entityId

entityUuid

articlePageQuery

filter

article

articleBaseAdvertisingInfoArticle

articleListArticle

articleSeoArticle

hooksArticleAcknowledgementGateOverlayArticle

hooksTrackPageViewArticle

hooksContentInterestArticle

articleLinkingDataContent

hooksAmpRedirectArticle

articleSchemaContent

liveArticle

advertZone

sentiment

contentLock

topics

types

sections

paywallTypes

createdDate

publishedDate

urlAlias

moreOnThisArticles

sponsorType

commentCount

authorLocations

authors

corrections

displaySlideShow

multimediaEmbed

printHeadline

seriesContainer

articleSpeeches

socialHeadline

headline

images

flag

firstTopic

glossary

flattenTypeIds

image

relatedLinks

relatedNewsletters

__typename

sponsor

pdfFiles

seriesReverseOrder

series

disableOffPlatformContent

published

updatedDate

summary

subHeadline

body

keywords

readingTime

customTimezone

liveContents

Here are some tips for Halloween in Hong Kong:
If you have a good body, wear as little as possible.
If you have a bad body, wear a “funny” costume and try to find a drunk person wearing as little as possible who will kiss you because your monk outfit is adorable.
If you have a weird body, wear something that distracts people from it. Like if you’ve got a strange lower body, wear a low-cut top so everybody just stares at your chest. Wait—you already do that? OK, keep it up.
If you’re an English guy, dress up like a woman. I’m not saying this because I think it’s a good idea— I’m just saying it because I know you are already planning to do it.
If you are a person with any insight on why English guys love dressing up like women, please email me at yalun.tu@gmail.com and explain. I really want to know this.
If you’re going to LKF, go early or late but not in between. There will be a huge crowd and a number of police officers simultaneously angrily pointing in completely different directions to control the crowd.
If you dress up like a police officer and tell somebody to go in the wrong direction, the real police officers will get angry at you.
If you’re in Wan Chai and somebody offers you a bubbling drink, there’s a good chance it has roofies in it.
If you’re in Wan Chai and somebody offers you a non-bubbling drink, there’s a good chance it has roofies in it.
If you want to actually trick or treat, go to Sai Kung or Discovery Bay. If you do that in Central, instead of candy you’ll get an invitation to be a helper.
If you’re known as the “crazy” guy/girl because you do shots and dance on tables, try being actually “crazy” this year by beating competing “crazy” guys/girls with a lead pipe.
If you are looking for an actual crazy time, go trick or treating in Chungking Mansions. Also: good curries!
If you decide to wear a political costume like Zombie Hu Jintao or the Ghost of a Tiananmen Square Protester, be sure you have enough trail mix to last you a few weeks for when you “disappear.”
If it’s 11pm and you find you don’t have a costume, you can put a trash bag over your head and be a ghost. Just remember to put holes in the bag or you’ll be an actual “ghost,” meaning a person dead from suffocation dressed up like a crappy ghost.
If it’s midnight and you really don’t have a costume, just go out in your normal clothes. Then, when people ask you what you’re dressed as, just nonchalantly say, “I’m a child molester.”
If it’s 1am and you still don’t have a costume, you can just walk around and tell people you’re the Bowen Road dog poisoner. Ruff!  
Girls—if you dress up like a vampire, schoolgirl, angel or devil, you will find out that there are approximately 48 million other girls dressed exactly like you. And if you’re not the hottest one of the bunch, you’ll be known amongst the others as the “not-hot schoolgirl.”
Guys—face it, no matter what, your costume will suck in comparison. This is especially true if you are an English guy who loves dressing up like a woman.
Yalun Tu is a columnist for HK Magazine. You can reach him at yalun.tu@gmail.com or @yaluntu on Twitter.


Best of the Best: Quotes from the Most Prominent People in Hong Kong

Designer Comma Leung is Crowdfunding to Make Wallets for the Blind

What Do I Need to Know to Survive in Hong Kong?

HK Mag Staff Pick Their Favorite Eats for the Last Time

HK Magazine Archive

Halloween in Hong Kong

Magazines

If you’re an English guy, dress up like a woman. I’m not saying this because I think it’s a good idea— I’m just saying it because I know you are already planning to do it.
