Baiting China

The glorious motherland is so ridiculously easy to wind up these days. All you need to do is wave a couple of colonial flags around, and even before the pepper spray hits your eyeballs, the cadres up north are foaming at the mouth. So what else can we do to get China all riled up?

• Beat the Chinese national team at ping-pong

• Take photos of those gnarly squat toilets you saw in outback Guangxi province and post them on Pinterest

• Come out of the closet as a Falun Gong practitioner

• Steal Chairman Mao’s corpse and have a “Weekend at Bernie’s”-style hilarious misadventure

• Say stuff like “Diao-yu?! I just met you! Nyuck nyuck!”

• Couch-surf at the Dalai Lama’s place

• Hold a war games exercise