Chief Executive CY Leung delivered his inaugural policy address last week, and despite touching on keystone issues such as social welfare, waste management and the environment, critics were quick to attack the speech for not going into specifics on how his government plans to address pressing housing supply issues across Hong Kong. Ever the diligent journalists, our crack team has waded through the rumor mill to translate Leung’s vagaries into hard promises.
CY: “Our policy objectives for housing are to (i) assist grassroots families to secure public housing to meet their basic housing needs;”
Translation: The definition of “public housing” will be expanded to include seats on the MTR. Additionally, “families” will now be defined as anyone who shares a last name.
CY: “(ii) assist the public to choose accommodation according to their affordability and personal circumstances, and encourage those who can afford it to buy their own homes;”
Translation: Beginning in September, each demo room in Causeway Bay’s IKEA store will house a family of six. On the other end of the spectrum, Hong Kong’s wealthiest residents will be encouraged to sell their Peak properties back to the government and use the money to buy a medium-sized African country instead.
CY: “(iii) provide subsidised home ownership flats on top of PRH so as to build a progressive housing ladder;”
Translation: Initial blueprints for Atlantis HK are already being drafted, and look out for local beauty centers to introduce “cosmetic gill-addition surgery” for trendsetter necks in the fall.
CY: “and (iv) maintain the healthy and steady development of the private property market, with priority to be given to meet Hong Kong permanent residents' needs.”
Translation: All non-residents will be given a one-question survey reading: “Name one famous Hongkonger who isn’t a martial arts film star.” Anyone who fails to submit an acceptable answer will have their home price doubled.