While wasting away sick in bed during the only nice weekend we’ve had this year, I was reminded of a disturbing trend. The reminder came from where all disturbing reminders come: Facebook—be it the new relationship of an ex, the success of a frenemy or a party I wasn’t cool enough to be invited to.
This reminder should rank low on the horror scale in terms of a personal affront to me, but the sheer volume of occurrences have skyrocketed it to the top. I am speaking of course of the dreaded Facebook picture I have discreetly titled LOOK AT ME I’M ON A BEACH/JUNK/SUNNY PLACE AND I’LL PROVE IT BY TAKING A PICTURE OF THE OCEAN WITH MY FEET ALSO IN THE PICTURE!!! Usually the actual pictures are titled something like “Bali with my BFFs” or “First Junk of the Summer,” but we all know what you really mean.
A few examples of these:
Why do people post these? You might say, “to brag to one’s friends about how your life is cooler than your friends,” but I would note that that is all Facebook pictures, my own included. What I’m wondering is why people choose to put their feet in the picture. Most don’t have cool nail polish or a deformity that we could all talk about. Maybe you were simply too lazy to move your feet back when you Instagrammed the picture. My life is truly luxurious; I cannot move from this supine position. That is what one of the poor people would do.
My theory is that the feet are included to prove to your audience that yes, I was actually there. Anyone can grab a beach and water pic from Google images, but add in feet and it adds a certain weight to the shot. Nobody would be insane enough to steal a photo of a landscape with feet in it not their own—like all parts of the body, it becomes disgusting when reduced to body parts that don’t belong to you.
Indeed, feet in photographs inhabit a very narrow cultural space. There are historical instances of feet such as Chinese foot-binding (power dynamics), the South’s lack of boots in the American Civil War (political implications) and footwear through the years (fashion and functionality). But today, pictures of feet are generally only seen on fetish websites, in those pictures where six people all put their feet in the middle of a shot to showcase their shoes, and the subject of my consternation this week. Unless your bottom half is a centaur or a mermaid, I’d prefer not to have the experience sullied with some sweaty, sandy bits of flesh.
There are variations to the beach shot, ranging from excellent to awful.
Excellent: The full body female bikini shot, which shows the held breasts and bikini bottoms and flattens one’s fat discreetly.
Good: The full body male shot, which shows the chest, stomach, and swim trunk. This is only done by guys with six packs and that maddening I’m-in-shape-indent between the hip and stomach. I tip my hat to you, egotistical gym-rat.
Bad: Feet shot. I think this has been well covered.
Awful: The double couple feet shot. You have a girlfriend and you two are together at a beach and are showing me your couple feet. Congratulations, dickhead!
You’re at a beautiful place, flaunt it I say. But when you’re taking the picture, perhaps consider putting your foot in your mouth.
Yalun Tu is a columnist for HK Magazine. You can reach him at [email protected] or @yaluntu on Twitter.