HK Magazine University: Take a Class and Improve Your Life
HK Magazine University: an august institution of learning, self-improvement and bad jokes.
A Message from the Dean
Welcome, prospective student, to Hong Kong Magazine University! Here at this school of halfhearted achievement, our whole faculty strives to bring you the finest courses from across the territory. Whether you want to go back into education, or you just didn’t do well enough at school to get into a real university, HKMU aims to make your further education experience a mostly tolerable one. Each of our degrees is tailored to your individual needs. By the end of our modules, you’ll be perfectly equipped to take on Hong Kong, and win. Remember, potential student: study hard, work unceasingly, and one day... you could be one of us.
Prof. Adam White, BA (HKMU),
CPA, FRCS, LOL, #YOLO, TL;DR
Dean, HK Magazine University
Diploma in Street Smarts (Dip.Street)
Look sharp: this is a long-distance learning program from the University of Life. Here at the School of Hard Knocks we’ll teach you all the skills that you never learned in school, but also failed to pick up on the street. Laggard.
Etiquette
“You Had Me At Hello”: Manners and Modernity
Time to refine your manners, young ruffian. You can’t just swan into a three-star restaurant and spit into the ice bucket. Unless you’re supremely rich, of course—then, you can do whatever you want. Society West—previously The Hong Kong Institute of Etiquette—runs classes designed to perfect your social graces in any situation: from deportment to dining to dress. Think of it like the crash course that Julia Roberts gets in “Pretty Woman,” more or less. Classes start at $1,100 and include a fine-dining experience.
First Aid
“I Am Bleeding From My Eyes”: A Practical Evaluation of CPR
So it all went wrong at your etiquette lessons, and you stabbed a fellow student with your fork. The Hong Kong St. John Ambulance runs 30-hour-long first aid training courses, spread over weekly three-hour sessions or several full days. Pass the final examination and you’ll have a government-recognized First Aid Certificate and enough knowledge to save a life or two, and maybe extract that fork with a minimum of internal trauma. Isn’t that worth a mere $240 per person? A training manual will set you back an extra $210.
4/F., St. John Tower, 2 MacDonnell Rd., Mid-Levels, 2530-8020, www.stjohn.org.hk.
Parkour
“Free” Running: Rapid Urban Liberation
You can’t learn to survive on the streets without being able to nagivate them with complex, hilarious ease. The Hong Kong Parkour Assocation will teach you to jump, roll and slide around urban environments (read: most of Hong Kong): an essential part of any street-smart-urchin existence. There are free sessions every Tuesday once you’ve perfected your free running, but personal training and lessons are also available. Individual 90-minute sessions are $350, or less if you buy a package.