Apparently the Hong Kong civil service are experts on the television industry now. Turns out, they’ve been planning their own TV station all along. We’ve got a sneak peek at their projected timetable.
5am. National Anthem
Glory to the motherland! Anthem is repeated for two hours.
7am. Good Morning, Hong Kong!
Breakfast show presented by Chief Secretary Carrie Lam, because hey, she’s running everything anyway. This week’s special guest: James Tien (Kevin Spacey cancelled).
10am. Paul Chan Can Cook
Each week, Secretary of Development Paul Chan Mo-po makes a meal of any given topic. This week’s episode: “Half-baked plans for country parks.”
Noon. Living the High Life, with Timothy Tong
Lifestyle show all about how to live in luxury, on a government salary. This week: premium spirits of the world and which ones will impress cadres at the head of third-tier Chinese municipalities.
2pm. Wheel of Deportation
Racist game show in which prominent lawmakers and figureheads spin a big wheel to decide which even more disenfranchised minority to persecute this week.
4pm. Children’s Enriching Mandatory Fun Period
Hey, kids, what’s that coming over the ridge? Is it Scholarism? Boo! Hiss! Lovable sidekick Nationalism Panda will lead children through rote exercises in recitation of nationalistic slogans.
