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Three Birds in the Hand
Dear Mr. Know-It-All, I want to eat as many meats on a single plate as possible. How can I achieve my dream this Christmas? – Stuffing Lover
	Kill three birds with one oven and enjoy one of modern day’s greatest culinary creations at Restoration: the turducken. That’s a chicken stuffed inside a duck stuffed inside a turkey. Make sure to call them at least two days in advance, so they can get your poultry version of Inception ready. Restoration’s turduckens can be taken to-go, and serve 10-14 people ($2,600).1/F, 63 Wyndham St., Central, 2536-0183, www.restoration.hk.

 
I'm So Well Read
Dear Mr. Know-It-All, what are the five books I can give people this Christmas so they will think I am totally smart? – Book Squirm
	 

Wu Ming-yi, “The Man with the Compound Eyes” $140
	Magical realism, ecological moralizing and love: David Mitchell meets Haruki Murakami in this Taiwanese novel.

Gene Luen Yang, “Boxers and Saints” $105
	Two-volume graphic novel recounting the dual sides of China’s hyper-nationalistic Boxer Rebellion.

Jung Chang, “Empress Dowager Cixi: The Concubine Who Launched Modern China” $240
	Revisionist biography of the most important woman in China, from the author of “Wild Swans.”

Adam Johnson, “The Orphan Master’s Son” $105
	The year’s Pulitzer Prize winner is a tale of a bizarre reality and unreal circumstances—in North Korea.

Eleanor Catton, “The Luminaries” $200
	This year’s Booker Prize winner is a mystery tale set in Victorian New Zealand, as the main character stumbles into a room of 12 men and many, many secrets.
 
Dinner Dash
Dear Mr. Know-It-All, I’ve invited friends round for a celebration dinner, but I don’t have time to make anything! What do I do? – Party Fowl
You’re sounding like the perfect host so far, Party Fowl. The Langham’s Main St. Deli may be able to help you out. As long as you give two days’ notice, they can set you up with a pre-prepared “Turkey-to-Go Combo,” (from $1,688), which serves six to 10 people and comes brimming with festive grub—think a 6kg turkey, sage and cornbread stuffing, whipped potatoes, Brussels sprouts, sweet potatoes, buttered baby carrots, glazed beans, cranberry-orange sauce and cream of roast pumpkin soup. You can also opt for a pre-sliced turkey, as well as a pie to round out the meal. Don’t have two days? Turn to Secret Ingredient for a last-minute holiday meal with a European twist. The kitchen is offering its Zafran “Pluma” pork with chick peas, trumpet mushrooms and Pedro Ximénez vinegar. Planning on the day of? 7-Eleven does a great line in Garden brand sandwich bread.
The Langham: 8 Peking Rd., Tsim Sha Tsui, 2132-7898, hongkong.langhamhotels.com.
Secret Ingredient: G/F, 32-34 Tai Ping Shan St., Sheung Wan, 2108-4000, www.secretingredient.com.hk.


	What a Card
Dear Mr. Know-It-All, Christmas cards are so boring and stereotypical. Where can I find something more interesting? – Card Snob
	Dealing with card stock envy, Card Snob? Check out local letterpress stationery brand Ditto Ditto. They make present tags ($48), charming textured Christmas cards ($40), as well as six postcards ($45 each), each of which shows off a different corner of Hong Kong at a different time of day—early morning on the Peak, lunchtime in Sheung Wan, or late night at Aberdeen. Twee, hipster and Hong Kong themed: that should sate your snobbery.Postcards available at Eslite, 8/F, Hysan Place, Causeway Bay, 3419-6788. Other products available from Kubrick stores (Two locations including Shop H2, Prosperous Garden, 3 Public Square St., Yau Ma Tei, 2384-8929) and online at www.etsy.com/shop/dittodittoworks.

 
Real Trees to Go
Dear Mr. Know-It-All, I hate plastic flora! Where can I get a real Christmas tree? – Tree FreakHing Fat Flora offers fresh noble firs from Oregon that are three- to nine-feet-tall, and you can order online as well. Trees will be delivered anywhere in the city, for between $180-250. Only have room for a wee tree, because you live in Hong Kong? Expect to pay about $115 for firs that are under five feet tall.58 Flower Market Rd., Mong Kok, 2397-8878, www.hingfatflora.com.

 
Christmas Poop Chute
Dear Mr. Know-it-All, I’m so over mercantile Hong Kong Christmases. Where in the world can I go for better, ideally scatological, Christmas traditions? – Christmas Ennui
	What you want to do is to visit Cataluña in Spain for Christmas and hang out with the Caga tió—the “shitting log.” It is a small, hollow, smiling log, covered in a red blanket. Starting on December 8, the tió is given a little bit to “eat” every day, and so he grows in size (actually he’s just replaced by a larger log). On Christmas, children gather around the extremely stuffed tió, who is ordered to shit. When it does not, children sing songs and beat the tió with sticks until he defecates Christmas presents, which are removed from under the red blanket. Also in Cataluña: the Caganer, a defecating figurine included in nativity scenes across Spain. These days, their faces are modelled on the famous. If you are a well-known person then someone, somewhere in Spain, will have made a little model of you taking a dump. Still missing your skyscrapers covered in Christmas lights?
Greg Gladman via Flickr 
 
Suffer the Little Children
Dear Mr. Know-It-All, I need to find a posh place for Christmas brunch, but also somewhere that will welcome my bratty children. Help! – Brunch Brat Pack
	If you must take your kids out of the house on Christmas Day, then check out Catalunya (the restaurant, not the autonomous Spanish territory), which offers a relatively affordable brunch option for Christmas Day ($890 per head), and kids of all ages and annoyance levels are welcome. Brunch is buffet-style, and diners can choose from freshly shucked oysters to suckling pig for mains. Bonus: those under 10 years of age eat for free, and there will be a playroom set aside with mats and toys for the little ones. And, yes—being a Catalan eatery, the resto really does have a real life Caga tió. Now you just HAVE to go.
G/F, Guardian House, 32 Oi Kwan Rd., Wan Chai, 2866-7900.

 
Holy Schmoley
Dear Mr. Know-It-All, I’m actually religious, which may be a rarity in this crazy world. Where can I find a Christmas service? – Nativity Native
	Ah, heading to church on Christmas Day—nothing quite beats that feeling. St. Anthony’s Church (69A Pok Fu Lam Rd., Pok Fu Lam, 2546-6221) offers midnight mass on Christmas Eve, while St. John’s Cathedral (4-8 Garden Rd., Central) has sung Eucharists at 9am and 10:30am on Christmas Day, as well as an all-age worship session at 11:45am. Go, be spiritual—and then go to brunch.

 
Roast Your Nuts
Dear Mr. Know-It-All, it’s Christmas, and that means only one thing: I want to roast chestnuts on an open fire. How might I go about doing this? – Nat King Coals
	There are two ways to do this. 1) Buy chestnuts from a market stall (last time I checked, small ones were around $16 per pound). Take them to an open barbecue pit and grill them. For a true outdoorsy feel, I suggest Tai Tam Reservoir Park. 2) Just buy a bag of chestnuts from the hawker trolleys all around town. They’re cooked in heated sand, which gives an even, delicious, and totally unburned flavor. Mr. Know-It-All and chestnuts: they’re like peas in a pod. Although peas are a legume and chestnuts a fruit, of course.
Martin Chan SCMP
Keeping the Peace
Dear Mr. Know-It-All, I’m hosting our family’s Christmas meal this year, but every single year it descends into an ENORMOUS SCREAMING ROW. What can I do to prevent this? – Family Drama
	For this I turn to the esteemed etiquette expert Kristine Stewart of Society West (www.societywestasia.com). “Often a successful event comes down to preparation,” she says. “If you are hosting, make sure everything is sorted for the meal, decor and other details, so that you are not flustered by the logistics. Accept help if you need it.
	”As for the meal itself: “I suggest strategically planning your seating.
	Mix chatty and quiet people; couples do not necessarily need to sit together. Remind adult siblings that it is not about them, but rather it’s a special day for the kids and for the grandparents. Also, Christmas lunch/dinner does not need to be a lengthy event. Family members get tired and cranky so keep the meal to a couple of hours. Holding your tongue for an hour or two is far easier than trying to refrain all day.”

	Deck Your Halls
Dear Mr. Know-It-All, I need to decorate on a budget. Where can I find cheap yet classy Christmas regalia? – Budget Santa
Gird your shopping loins and head to Sai Yee Street in Mong Kok. There are several “pop-up” stores that open in empty shop spaces to fire-sell seasonal decorations and household items. You’ll be able to find baubles, cute cuddly Santas and snowmen, tinsel, wreaths and all manner of Yuletide trappings. If you aim for home décor shop Trendy Bear (135A Sai Yee St.), you’ll see all the rest nearby. Still not found enough Christmas tchotchkes? Turn down into Bute Street for a few more stores. Happy Christmas, parsimonious reveler!
	 
Wrap to the Future
Help! I am very lazy and bad at wrapping gifts. Where can I get my presents wrapped for me? – Wrap Star
	You don’t have to get all tied up in festive ribbons if you don’t have the time or the inclination, Wrap Star. While plenty of venues offer a gift wrapping service, the classiest one has to be Lane Crawford. Here, you can buy any—and they mean any—gift, and the Christmas concierge will wrap it all exquisitely for you. But don’t come crying to me when your giftee gets mad after she sees the red box, expects a pair of Louboutins, and winds up with a toothbrush sanitizer.
Lane Crawford outlets citywide, including 3/F, IFC Mall, 8 Finance St., Central, 2118-3388.

 
Nog If I Have Anything To Do With It
Dear Mr. Know-It-All, I need some Eggnog, STAT! – Nog Nagger
Get your nog fix at Café Gray Deluxe (49/F, The Upper House, 88 Queensway, Admiralty, 3968-1106). Head chef Gray Kunz’s version contains cognac and lots of wintery spices—think cinnamon, allspice and nutmeg—and is available at the bar for $95 during the holiday season. Want to make some eggnog on your own? Take Chef Kunz’s recipe and replicate it at home:

6 eggs, separated
1/2 cup sugar (for egg yolks)
1 cup cognac
1 cup milk
2 tsp. sugar (for egg whites)
3/4 cup heavy cream
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. allspice
1/2 tsp. nutmeg


Combine egg yolks with 1/2 cup sugar and beat and whisk until stiff in a double boiler. Chill.
Add 2 teaspoons of sugar to egg whites and beat until stiff. Chill.
Whisk cream until stiff. Chill.
Combine spices with cold milk. Whisk together the milk and egg-yolk
		mixtures.                                           
Fold in egg whites and whipped cream, gradually adding in cognac.
Chill for 10 to 15 minutes. Serve in cold glasses and dust with nutmeg.

 
Get Mullered
Dear Mr Know-it-all, I’m throwing a Christmas party and I need a simple recipe for mulled wine! – Spice Head

	You will need:

1 box (or three bottles) of exceedingly average red wine
1/2 carton orange juice
2 large oranges, halved and studded with lots of cloves
The zest of 1 lemon
2 cinnamon sticks
1 pinch freshly grated nutmeg
5-or-so tsp. of brown or
slab sugar
2 star anises
Brandy to taste

Throw everything into a large pot, over a low heat. Allow everything to infuse, with the lid on. Don’t overdo the sugar. DO NOT BOIL. Once the wine is piping hot and just before you ladle it into glasses/mugs, add a generous slug of brandy. Keep doing this all evening, topping up your ingredients. Got a white carpet? Hide it.
   Photo: Swire Hotels


Mr. Know-It-All Solves Your Hong Kong Christmas Queries

Your festive flummoxers, fixed.

Three Birds in the Hand

I'm So Well Read

Mr. Know-It-All Solves Your Hong Kong Christmas Queries

.css-1c6uqr6{color:inherit;font-weight:inherit;font-size:inherit;font-family:inherit;line-height:inherit;overflow-wrap:break-word;}Your festive flummoxers, fixed.

Three Birds in the Hand

I'm So Well Read

Your festive flummoxers, fixed.